Man Goes on 11-Day Soccer & Alcohol Bender; Dies

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There are very few things in this world I would consider staying awake a few days for: a Zombie Apocalypse for fear of home invasion, the last wishes of a dying loved one, or an un-timed, no-holds-barred roll in the hay with Brooklyn Decker. A European soccer tournament, on the other hand, is certainly not one of them. Personally, it’s a damn fine reason to go to sleep actually, but apparently crazy soccer fanatic Jiang Xiaoshan of China disagrees. He stayed awake for eleven days straight watching the Euro 2012, and it cost him his life.

The 26-year-old was found dead by his mother after his 11-day football-watching marathon, finally expiring after Ireland’s 2-0 defeat to Italy on June 18.

“We would rest occasionally but he watched everyday and would not miss a single match,” one friend told the Sanxiang Metropolis.

Due to the difference in time zones, the matches started at very early morning hours where Jiang lived. He would come home after work, prop his feet up and started throwing back cold beers and ripping heaters. Sleep deprivation and lack of water would lead to his demise.

When commenting on the matter, Hunan province doctor Liu Zhiling gave insight that can only come from years of medical training: “If you use beer to replace water, that is not good.”

Nine out of ten American doctors disagree.

Reportedly, Jiang supported England and France in this Euro kickball tournament. There you go, kids. Don’t watch too much soccer, but if you do, support a country with a little testicular fortitude.

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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  1. -1
    Lld3

    Moral of the story – if you watch soccer you deserve to die. Fuck you for this lame ass story Dorn, half-assing on a Monday.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • -1
      frattyaggieWHOOP

      What kind of sport doesn’t require you to use your upper body or have any coordination in your hands and arms? oh ya its soccer. I bet most soccer players can’t catch anything but dicks.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • -2
      Strictly Anal

      ^You’re absolutely right. Football players, especially wide receivers or running backs, have absolutely no foot coordination and are not remotely athletic. And just because soccer requires athletic ability does not mean the sport isn’t filled with European fairy fucks.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago