A Pittsburgh man got into the Halloween spirit this year by decorating his front lawn as if it were the most horrific baby slaughter crime scene imaginable. Bloodied and severed limbs, decapitated infants, severed heads, babies in motherfucking cages, and the creepiest cannibal rabbit on the planet are strewn about Joe Dauria’s front yard.
Dauria insists that his front yard from Hell is done in the fun spirit of Halloween, but his neighbors aren’t very thrilled. It might have something to do with all the bound/bloody/headless babies he worked into his design. My man Joe went a little heavy on the dead baby front. Just a lot of dead babies, which is odd, because I feel like even one dead baby is too many dead babies. I mean they’re babies, man, and they’re dead.
“Joe, look, we need to talk.”
“Hey Phil, what’s happening?”
“The neighbors and I have been talking, and, well, we all think you’re a swell guy and good neighbor, but the Halloween decorations seem to be a little aggressive this year.”
“We do. You just went real hard on the dead baby angle. There are simply a lot of dead babies.”
“Hmmm, perhaps you’re right. You think the kids are scared?”
“Joe, we’re scared.”