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Man Orders Penis Enlarger Online, Gets Magnifying Glass Instead

Screen Shot 2014-06-03 at 3.23.30 PM

Ha! What a loser!

This story comes to us out of Malaysia, which is a real country. I totally looked it up, and you can, too, if you doubt me. I got super jazzed for a second when I saw the capital was Koala Humper (for obvious reasons) but sadly, it was just my fratlexia bringing me down once again.

KUALA LUMPUR: A man who purchased a penis enlargement device online had a rude shock when he received a magnifying glass instead of the device he thought he had purchased.

“The instructions that came with the package merely read ‘Do not use in sunlight’,” he said.

I mean, it is technically a penis enlarger.

This man, who is named Ong (short for Dong, probably) paid 450 Malaysian ringgit for what I–I mean, HE believed was a penis enlargement device. Translated into American currency, this amounts to $139.92. That’s one expensive magnifying glass, except it’s definitely worth it, because man, that’s a small penis. Not like I’ve seen it or anything, because this is Ong’s penis we’re talking about, not mine. I would NEVER spend $139.92 (plus $4.95 shipping and handling) on a stupid penis enlargement device. I just don’t need it. My shwang is so big, they don’t let me into movie theaters because they think I’m smuggling in a watermelon to snack on whilst enjoying the silver screen.

If you are somebody who would buy a penis enlargement device, however, I suggest two things:

1. Make sure you’re actually buying a penis enlargement device and not a device that merely makes your penis look larger.

2. Listen to the manufacturer’s advice about not using it in sunlight. Trust me.

[via The Star Online]

Image via The Raw Story

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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