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Manatee Gets Stranded Ashore Because It’s Tired After Having Freaky Manatee Sex

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It’s a TFM (Total Frat Manatee).

Well, actually, I guess it’s more of a TSM, seeing as this particular sex-addicted sea cow was of the fairer sex.

From ABC News:

A female manatee was apparently too tired after mating on shore and was stranded on a Florida beach. Thankfully, locals discovered her and she was rescued after six hours.

The manatee was first discovered on Disappearing Island in Ponce Inlet, Fla., by Jim Yurecka, an employee at Ponce Inlet Watersports, and his colleagues on Wednesday morning.

You see, what most people don’t know is that manatees mate orgy-style in very shallow water. Like the hot girl at the bar (who I always pull, because I am way frat and am a person people genuinely like to be around and someone who they don’t think smells like cabbage) the female manatee is followed by a dozen or more males that she subsequently bones. Because this occurs in such shallow water, stranding becomes a possibility if our gray lady gets too tired from her duties. Why do I know so much about manatee sex? Take a wild guess. I saw the whole thing go down.

I guess I’m mostly just pissed that Yurecka came and annexed my slamatee (manatee slam). I’ll just come out and admit it: I left her there on the beach while I was pulling my Geo Metro around to pick her up. I saw the way those other manatees were treating her in the water. It was terrible. I had to rescue her. While it’s true that I wasn’t sure at the time whether I had picked the wrong manatee because they all look the same (it’s chill, I can say that–my girlfriend is a manatee), I ended up choosing right.

I’ll find her again someday. In the meantime, swim free, sweet princess.

[via ABC News]

Image via Wikimedia Commons

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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