Man’s Genitals Badly Burned At Arby’s

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Unfortunately this injury wasn’t sustained because the man dropped a scalding hot Big Beef ‘n Cheddar into his lap, so I apologize if you got your hopes up, I was disappointed too. In reality the incident happened while the man was using an Arby’s restroom.

Kenneth Dejoie claims his genitals were badly burned while using this urinal inside the store’s men’s room.

The five-page lawsuit was filed in El Paso County District Court on May 25. The lawsuit claims that Dejoie was “utilizing the urinal in the men’s restroom when it caused a jet of steam to shoot forth from the urinal and burn his genitals.”

No word on if he used a cool, refreshing jamocha shake to help sooth the burns. According to the story, Arby’s employees responded to the man’s complaints about his burned genitals (and by complaints I assume they mean screams) by saying “we have that bathroom problem again.” The man’s lawsuit against Arby’s is seeking damages for financial losses (presumably from medical bills) and because he was unable to have sex with his wife. Sort of ironic that the man’s own craving for beef prevented his wife from getting hers. Honestly this entire story sounds like a series of @DadBoner tweets.

A spokesperson for the company issued a statement saying, “We want to reassure our customers that we are committed to providing quality food in a safe and healthy environment…”

This would’ve never happened at Lion’s Choice.

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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