Marilyn Monroe Somehow Just Got Hotter

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Marilyn Monroe is considered by many to be the ultimate sex symbol in American culture. She’s blonde, gorgeous, perfectly shaped, and willing to fuck really mediocre looking dudes like Joe DiMaggio just because they’re rich. She really did have it all, didn’t she? What could have possibly made her hotter? Maybe a little girl on girl action? WISH GRANTED!

File this story under “B”… for boner… obviously.

From Radar Online:

The 1950s blonde bombshell not only allegedly admitted to encounters with movie stars such as Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck, Marlene Dietrich and Elizabeth Taylor, she also seduced a 16-year-old girl who ran her fan club

The 16-year-old president of your fan club? Marilyn, you devil! That’s a TFM if I ever heard one. In case you’re wondering what Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck, Marlene Dietrich, or Elizabeth Taylor looked like…

 

Scissor me fuckin’ timbers. I have no idea what 16-year-old Jane Lawrence looked like, but clearly Monroe had good taste in women. I haven’t been this excited to hear about the sexual exploits of a dead chick since Chandra Levy.

As for whether Marilyn was a full-fledged lesbian, he [Author Tony Jerris] doesn’t think so. “She was just a free spirit. She was a very open person.”

She wasn’t even a lesbian, she just did it for fun. Glorious. Does anyone have a more impressive fuck list than Monroe? One of the ten or fifteen all time greatest ballplayers, a president, and just for funsies she scissored the American Film Institute’s numbers 7, 9, 10, and 11 greatest female film icons of all time. Oh by the way, Marilyn Monroe was number six on that list. Marilyn Monroe’s vagina should be in the Smithsonian.

Those really were the glory days of Hollywood. Nowadays our sordid celebrity lesbian affairs involve twiggy drug addicts and skeevy chicks desperate for attention. You’ll never hear about Jessica Biel and Kate Upton going to town on each other. This is why movies today are terrible.

But congratulations Marilyn Monroe, you just got even hotter.

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. -2
    rollinghills_bro

    if the glory days were akin to jessica biel and kate upton ‘going to town on each other’ – then surely we must miss it. nice writing there.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago