Michael Phelps Allegedly Got R. Kelly’d By A Fat Dominatrix

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Michael Phelps Allegedly Got R-Kelly'd By A Fat Dominatrix

Haters gonna hate. Lovers gonna love. 2008 Olympic hero Michael Phelps don’t want none of the above. He wants to get pissed on.

The strange saga of Phelps’ sexual shenanigans took another spit-taking twist this week. Rumors have emerged that in 2013, the conqueror of Beijing took to the Tinder of the lower class, Craigslist, and solicited a cornfed lady of the night to give him the R. Kelly treatment.

Phelps, [Kim] Petro claims, called her on his cell phone, saying his name was Fabian Marasciullo, a Miami music producer who is close to Phelps’ good friend, rapper Lil’ Wayne.

‘When he said drink some water before I get to the hotel, I knew what I was in for,’ said Petro. ‘I was going to go to the bathroom anyway – I figured I might as well get paid for it!’

When she got to [New York’s London Hotel] she claims Phelps removed his shirt and then shorts to reveal that he was wearing ‘skimpy women’s underwear.’

They then smoked a little weed according to Petro and got down to business.

‘I got above him [on the bed] to [urinate on him],’ said Petro. ‘After I was done, he asked if it was okay to [pleasure himself]. Of course, I’m going to bend the rules a little for a famous Olympian, so he pulled down his panties.’

That is when she claims she noticed he had a string tied around his genitals.

TFM has obtained exclusive footage of the golden shower incident.

That’s our Mikey. Always getting peed on. Really makes you wonder if all those gold medals were real gold or merely stained off-yellow by a big ol’ bucket of plus-sized dominatrix urine.

We should all be outraged by this. Six years ago, Phelps was our Great American Hero (TM), taking on the role Mel Gibson took in “The Patriot” as the red, white, and blue’s one-man last stand against our future Chinese overlords. He was an inspiration, and now the dude has to drop nearly a cool grand on a website notorious for serial killers, then pretend to be some random hip hop entourage member, just to get the stingray victim treatment?

For shame, America. Phelps has more than earned the right to get treated like a toilet seat whenever he pleases, and not have to pay one fucking nickel for it. Let me tell you that if I saw the Olympic Hero at a party, I’d unzip my fly and let my bladder unload on him right then and there, free of charge. Why? Because I am a goddamn good American. Where’s your patriotism, America? Where is your sense of national pride?

As for Phelps donning skimpy lady garments, last time I checked, they’re called Speedos.

Michael Phelps: Part-time toilet seat, full-time American Hero.

Drip, drip, drip.

[via Gawker]

Image via YouTube

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