Michigan AD’s Responses To Hate Mail Were Leaked And Someone Is More Than A Little Salty

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When it comes to opening his email, University of Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon probably wishes he could be just like you. Couple of enhancement spams here. Some responses to his Craigslist ad seeking furry swinger play there. Maybe a few links to “Bum Fights 8: The Ebola Ward Mixtape” thrown into the mix. You know, the usual. Instead, from the looks of the emails that were recently leaked to and authenticated by MGoBlog, the only emails that poor Dave Brandon reads are from people writing to tell him just how much he sucks at his job. Like my girl T.Swift says, the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Needless to say, Brandon is pretty steamed that he has to put up with all you virtual black clouds polluting his inbox. I can’t say I blame him, either. Brandon doesn’t show up to your multimillion dollar salaried, high profile job and offer non-solicited critiques of your performance, okay? The least you could do is reciprocate that level of respect, because frankly, if you monsters keep up this level of hate mail, it’ll only be a matter of time before David Brandon goes full-out Rob Bironas, stumbles out the door at Skeeps while throwing up double freedom rockets, then proceeds to gun down oncoming traffic on the freeway, laughing manically while belting out the lyrics to “Free Bird.”

All I’m saying is we need to tread carefully here. The first cracks in Brandon’s psyche are already showing. Just check out the following replies he has written to hate mail. You’ll find less snarky, needless exclamation points in a YouTube comment section.

Emails shortened for brevity. Emails date from 2011-2013.

EMAILER 1:

I don’t watch these games anymore. It is too painful. Winning in triple OT to a struggling winless team in the conference only proves my prior points. This team is in serious trouble. Own it!

BRANDON:

I suggest you find a new team to support. We will be fine without you. Have a happy life…

***

EMAILER 2:

Dave,
We are sick of all the talk, excuses, and most importantly the losses. You throwing Coach Rodriguez under the bus like you have this week was an embarrassment to the University and more importantly a big cheap shot on all of the players from his classes. Would you classify the game today as “big-boy football?” Would you consider Urban Meyer’s offense “big-boy football?” Was that poor excuse of a defense today playing “big-boy football?” Not only was this season an embarrassment to this University, but your conduct over this past week puts a further black eye on this season and has no place at Michigan. Michigan is now truly a middle of the road Big Ten team and we have you (not Rich Rodriguez) to thank for that.

BRANDON:

Quit drinking and go to bed.

***

EMAILER 3:

Mr. Brandon likes to refer to Michigan football as a “brand.” Though I would strongly suggest he stop using this term immediately (academia is not Corporate America, nor is UM football a pizza that tastes like cardboard), I’d also implore him to compare Les Miles’ behavior with the “brand” he’s trying to protect.

BRANDON:

Mr. Smith,

As you are helping define the difference between academia and Corporate America for President Coleman and me (thank you so very much….incredible insight!) you inaccurately stated my reference to branding at the University. I have never referred to Michigan Football is a “brand”….because it is not. I have referred to the “Block M” as a brand….because it is!…

If this troubles you….I am sorry. However, it won’t change the fact that our Block M is one of the most recognized global brands in higher education…and I would think anyone with an email address of “UM Alum” would understand the power of that!
Go Blue! And, thanks for providing your deep research on Coach Miles.

Dave

***

EMAILER 4:

…On a side note, you’ve quite unintentionally created a bit of marital strife for me. My wife, the more fiery one for certain, shot off a couple of emails full of vitriol concerning the team and the direction of the program. I’m sure you received many of those this season- that’s how a lot of football fans are. Not me, so much, but I do see it frequently.

Last night you responded to one of them with a bit of vitriol of your own. Now, she’s telling me she doesn’t want to renew our season tickets or go to any more games. I really wish you would have ignored her email.

BRANDON:

If this was your wife’s message to me last night:

I hope you are enjoying your time on the sidelines and getting airtime. This is a joke. The play calling is stupid. Just downright stupid. Gorgeous Borges needs to go. Not after an inevitable blowout loss to Ohio [sic]. Now. Pull a Pat Haden and tell him to find his own ride home. Someone needs to show leadership here. Remember…the brand, the brand, the brand.

Then she needs to understand that my job description doesn’t include having to be a punching bag for people who can’t handle their disappointment or frustration. Thankfully, I rarely have to deal with nasty, mean, and irate email like this one from self-professed football experts…

If you wish, I will notify the ticket office that you don’t wish to renew your tickets…

Perhaps she should consider becoming an offensive coordinator?? She may have all the skills necessary!! And by the way, I do enjoy being on the sidelines when possible and supporting our team. They appreciate people who support them during good times and tough times.

Good wished to you…and let me know if you want to be removed from the ticket renewal list.

Go Blue!
Dave

***

Hang in there, Dave Brandon. Maybe not immediately, but eventually, everyone will look back at your time spent in Ann Arbor with feel-good nostalgia. After all, who doesn’t look back fondly on the circus?

[via MGoBlog]

Image via YouTube

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