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Michigan Football Is Causing People To Drive Drunk

The incredible thing about this story? This doofus Michigan fan was still able to get a drive going better than the anemic Wolverine offense.

I can only imagine there are tons of ways to cope with the soul-crushing feeling of watching your team lose to its rivals, year-in and year-out. Wouldn’t know. But the rage outlets for sure exist. You can burn pledges with cigars, for starters. Leaving bigger holes in drywall than the Kool Aid guy is another popular go-to move.

Of course, if you’re a university president, you can always get hammered and give a speech to hundred thousand people at halftime.

All of these coping mechanisms have to be better than getting behind the wheel smashed, passing out, letting your bladder explode all over yourself.

While he was being booked, (the suspect) said he drank so much because he was upset that the University of Michigan’s football team lost 29-6 at Michigan State University the day before. He said he also was upset with the play-calling of Offensive Coordinator Al Borges, whose Wolverines rushed for a negative-48 yards, the worst ground performance since the school started playing football in 1879.

Man, the Michigan football fanbase has seen better days. Sure, those days were back when the Big House had separate water fountains, but still. As Brady Hoke famously proclaimed, “This is Michigan, for God’s sake!” This is not a football team that should be putting the public’s safety in danger.

“My offensive coordinator made me do it.” Brilliant. It’s encouraging to see someone in Ann Arbor finally put up a gutsy defense.

[via Press & Guide]

Image via Marketplace

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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