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Michigan State Dorms Are Banning Whiteboards Because Students Won’t Stop Drawing Cocks On Them

dorm whiteboard

You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You saw that pearly bright, freshly-erased whiteboard and immediately needed an exorcism as the mere sight inexplicably filled you with the spirit of the Dick Devil that used to haunt young Seth in Superbad. Well, Michigan State took notice, and your phallus-ridden hobby can be practiced no more in East Lansing.

From The Detroit News:

Whiteboards on dorm room doors have evolved from valuable tools of communication to ready-made vehicles for bullying, according to Michigan State University officials.

As a result, the university will ban the whiteboards from students’ doors this fall, in an effort to cut down on the number of negative, anonymous messages left outside dorm rooms.

“In any given month, there are several incidents like this. There was no one incident that was the straw that broke the camel’s back,” said Kat Cooper, director of University Residential Services Communications. “Sometimes these things are racial, sometimes they’re sexual in nature. There are all sorts of things that happen.”

I have no experience with racial messages on dorm doors; pretty fucked up if those are actually happening, though. I do, however, have much experience with big veiny beef busses shooting jizz everywhere (on dorm doors, that is), and I can tell you from that experience that they’re completely harmless as long as you keep your eyes closed (so that you don’t seem them on the dorm doors, that is). Even if you do happen to see them, everyone living in the dorms is an adult. Kids these days grew up seeing Jon Hamm’s bulge on the evening news; a tiny little dick doodle that was handcrafted with a Vis-À-Vis dry erase marker isn’t going to do any damage to them.

To me, it seems the underlying problem MSU has with whiteboards on dorm doors is the anonymity factor. My solution? Be proud of your work. Put your signature at the bottom so everyone knows whose phallic handiwork is gracing their whiteboard. The arts are already under fire in public schools. Let’s stop shaming artists and start embracing them, one dick at a time — and it all starts with you staking claim to your work.

[via The Detroit News]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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