Phi Delta Theta’s nationals are cleaning house at their University of Missouri chapter. According to members in the house, they’ve been notified that all current members and pledges will be forced into alumni status and a whole group of fresh faces will be coming in next year.
Bad news for the members, even worse news for nationals, because they decided to let them know right before finals. Surely they’ll go peacefully into the night…
Nope. It’s time to burn bridges. Burn ALL of the bridges.
Instead, the members are crowdfunding one final party before everyone is forced into alumni status.
So as many as you have heard, Phi Delt nationals have pretty much forced the chapter advisory board into doing this BS ‘revitalization’ process at MO Alpha in order to ‘change the culture’. Yeah, whatever. That means that all current Phis and Pledges have been removed and put into early alumni status and leaves all of us who worked hard and pledged with no rights as members. That being said, we are throwing a sick stop-day rager as the classic MO Alpha Phi Delts would. We are looking to make this a special salute to the end of our valued traditions that will cease to exist in the coming years since nationals is turning the house into the Boy Scouts of America. Big thanks to any small donation you make to help us accomplish our goal in fratting out hard one last time. (and of course you are all invited).
Uh oh. The fact that “special salute” and “cease to exist” are in the same sentence means that you’ll also likely be making a “special salute” to your liver, which will soon “cease to exist.”
See, while other Greek organizations on campus need to somewhat abide by university rules and code or risk repercussions in the future, these guys don’t really have much to lose. Nationals has already informed them the house is getting scrubbed. It’s time for the “smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em” attitude.
The chapter has already raised $2,000 for the party thanks to donations from esteemed alumni like Chris CockSucker, Space Jam, Ramon NY Deli, Meg Is so hot, and more. These college kids are asking for free money and still likely voting Republican. Talk about buckin’ the system.
Now, could this backfire? Sure. The police could catch wind and hand out MIPs like they’re candy, the house could go up in flames because there’s already so much liquor soaked into the floorboards that a single spark would be catastrophic, or someone could die because they drank more than their bodyweight in jungle juice and now their blackout has a blackout. But I’d say the reward outweighs the risk here.
Stop day is on Thursday (Cinco de Mayo, no less), so we’ll see if the house and its members make it through the night. My prediction: Record levels of alcohol, blood and semen.