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Monday Morning Bump: Carpe Diem, Bitches

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Another Monday is banging at the gates, ready to come in, cut your head off, take your women, and eat your food. Are you going to cower in fear like some kind of Frenchman and await for your fate, or are you going to go out there, come up behind this week and fuck it in the ass?

Get fired up, hoe. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor. Oh, you’re tired? Didn’t sleep well last night? Nobody cares. Sack up, bitch. Tracy McGrady once scored 13 points in 35 seconds, and he looked permanently stoned.

Guy could barely open his eyes and is out there just raining three-pointers. What’s your excuse? Sad! Slap yourself a few times, splash some cold water on your face, grab yourself by the balls and scream into the bathroom mirror. If your roommate asks you what the fuck is wrong with you, slap him too then Hulk your shirt in half and sprint out the door ready to dominate this week.

The average person lives 27,000 days and change. Don’t let today be one that you wasted. Keep your composure, get out there and win.

Every Monday morning we post unrivaled inspiration to get you ready for the week. Check back next Monday for another shot of adrenaline to the dick.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is the New York Times Bestselling Author of Total Frat Move, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, and co-host of the Back Door Cover podcast, a psychotic Rockets fan, fair-weather Astros fan, and sad Texans fan.

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