My Opinion on the Best College Bars For Beer in America Probably Makes Me an Alcoholic

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I don’t think it’s possible for me to post a news story citing the Huffington Post without some commenter screaming through his keyboard “HUFF POST IS NF! I STOPPED FUCKING READING BECAUSE YOU USED THAT LIB PIECE OF SHIT!” That slightly hypothetical, overly worked up TFM commenter isn’t totally wrong. Sure HuffPost leans further left than Randy Johnson’s wang, but that doesn’t mean that a random story about lactating women or Casey Anthony’s creepy locket full of her murdered daughter’s ashes has the same liberal bias as a story about Mitt Romney or Greek Life. In fact HuffPost College has some pretty interesting stuff on it every now and then. Plus a lot of times HuffPost lifts their content from other publications and websites anyway, so it’s not even their own material.

The most recent example is a list they borrowed from Men’s Health on “The Best College Bars for Beer in America.” I usually comb through those lists to see if A) there is anything worth writing about, and B) my alma mater is mentioned. Today I found both in the same breadth.

As I scrolled through Men’s Health/HuffPost’s list of bars I really didn’t know anything about any of the establishments listed. They were from just about every major conference college town you could imagine and because of that I assumed this had something to do with beer specials, which is a relevant topic for college kids. Then I got to Columbia, Missouri’s own Flat Branch Pub & Brewing on the list. That’s when I realized that this list was about beer selection, not beer prices. Big, big difference.

While I love Flat Branch, their delicious microbrews, and their awesome pizzas, it’s not a place I ever went in college to drink. It’s a great place to eat and have a drink, but not a great place to get drunk. That reasoning begins and ends with their prices. It’s a moderately priced restaurant with what your average adult would consider reasonable beer prices. It is not, however, on the level of Columbia’s college bars, where the only thing cheaper than beer is water, and just barely at that. I assume that is not a trait exclusive to Columbia bars either.

If you asked me, looking back on my college days, to name the best beer bar in Columbia then I would be inclined to say Harpo’s. Quarter Draws on Thursday night is the epitome of beer specials. I could take ten dollars into that place and leave a blacked out mess. I would also have probably listed Big 12 SEC Bar, Shiloh, Bengals, Willie’s, FieldHouse, and even Quinton’s/Tonic before I even thought of Flat Branch. Again, this is based on my ability to get stupidly fucked up on beer, not enjoy the subtle hints of serrano pepper in a Green Chili Beer.

So that’s where we differ. When I think of the best beer bars, I think of the places that allow me to pound beer until I’m so shithoused that I punch a tree because I thought it muttered something racist. Like I said though, I don’t know about most of the bars on this list, so there could be more than a few that actually do have incredible beer specials. The list is linked below, so if you frequent any of these bars be sure to let me know, because then I would like to drink there.

The Best College Bars For Beer In America | Men’s Health

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 0
    LetTheBigDawgFrat

    The best is Bell’s Eccentric Café (Kalamazoo, MI). While I’m not sure what a Yankee bar looks like, I assume their college bars do not have a bunch of old men looking around at antiques like a bunch of Pawn Star addicts. Then again, I could be wrong.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Burt Reynolds

      Pretty sure this confirms that this is a list of the places with the best beer. Bell’s makes excellent beer, but it is definitely not a place anyone would go to do more than have a meal and a few beers.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    SNU

    “HUFF POST IS NF! I STOPPED FUCKING READING BECAUSE YOU USED THAT LIB PIECE OF SHIT!”

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    Frog Brigade

    Any one of the 97 bars in Athens, Georgia will do the trick. Some of the best: Moonshine, Bar South, Silver Dollar, On the Rocks, General Beauregard’s, Hangover, and Bourbon Street. If you dont believe the number, look it up.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  4. 0
    RickyRubibro

    Nick’s English Hut is a great place. They invented “Sink the Biz” there. One of the greatest drinking games of all time. They have awesome food and you can get rip roaring drunk without having to take out a student loan.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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