New Infrared Technology Detects Intoxication

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

I can’t say specifically where, but I’m almost positive that somewhere in the Bill of Rights includes the Right to Be Highly Intoxicated. It’s in there, right? It’s gotta be. Unfortunately for us, a couple of uncircumcised (most likely?) computer geeks from Greece are threatening to make being highly intoxicated marginally more difficult:

The first algorithm utilizes thermal-image scans, since alcohol causes blood-vessel dilation. Koukiou and Anastassopoulos compared scans from subjects who were inebriated against sober subjects. In order to compensate for human, environmental and equipment variables, a second algorithm is used. This analyzes parts of the subject’s face: alcohol consumption will cause a person’s nose to become warmer, while their forehead stays cooler.

I’m not really sure what an algorwookie or whatever is, but it sounds mathematical and scientific. In my humble opinion, it sounds a bit shoddy. For instance, lots of substances dilate your blood vessels including Ibuprofen and other OTC drugs of that sort. A ton of sugar might do the trick as well, and it would be pretty shitty to get tossed in the clanker after inhaling a molten lava cake. And the poor fat guy whose face is always flushed due to the fact that reaching for the Doritos is overexerting himself.

Should this technology go commercial, many of us will be fucked. The immediate use of such a device would most likely be implemented to nail drunk drivers–a good thing, don’t get me wrong–but it’s the other ways in which it could be used that are potentially worrisome: house parties, major sporting events, and anywhere public really. Reciting the alphabet backwards at astonishing speed or upping the ante and doing cartwheels in a straight line won’t matter worth shit if a cop infrareds your ass. And there’s always that assclown cop who creams himself whilst giving out PIs.

Until then, party on, and when it hits, party on. But come on, Greece. Maybe if you put money into your economy instead of stupid inventions like this, you wouldn’t be in the shitter right now. Just a thought.

***


Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Comments

You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

    • 0
      LEGENwaitforitDARY

      ^Reasonable? All a cop has to do is say the magic words “I smell alcohol/I smell marijuana” to get into any home and/or car they desire, even if there is no olfactory evidence. Police officers can be the most hypocritical members of society when it comes abiding by the Bill of Rights. They might as well jack off and clean themselves with it.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • -1
      Ron Washington

      ^Simply not true. It is true that if there is probable cause to search an area, the cops may do so. And if the cops are liars, yes, they probabily will do so. However, the “reasonable” is the standard for warrantless searches. For example the Supreme Court has held a warrant is not necessary for Terry Stops (stop and frisks), consent searches, automobile searches, the so-called “special needs” searches, inventory searches, exigent searches, and searches incident to arrest. This are not some runaround excuses; they are what has been determined to be reasonable by the Supreme Court. Read the 4th Amendment word for word–nowhere does it say that a warrant is necessary for all searches and seizures

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago