New Website Tracks Mizzou’s Frequent Embarrassments, School Can’t Last 3 Days

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New Website Tracks Mizzou’s Frequent Embarrassments, School Can’t Last 3 Days

This past week, Mizzou has made the headlines for all the wrong reasons. There was professor Melissa Click’s assault charge, former UM President Tim Wolfe’s email burning every bridge in sight, quarterback Maty Mauk’s leaked substance snorting vid, Click’s suspension, Mauk’s suspension, the student government electing a president and vice president that immediately were forced to resign, and then the dismissal of Mauk. Hell of a week, fellas.

The times are so dismal at the University of Missouri that someone created a “count up” ticker tracking the days since the last embarrassing event happened at Mizzou. Thanks to, I knew I started writing this article 4 hours, 8 minutes and 23 seconds after Mauk got dismissed from the Missouri football team. Well done, all around.

According to the website, Mizzou’s longest record without an embarrassment is 2 days, 16 hours, 12 seconds set on January 25 – 27, 2016. I know that sounds short, but let’s start with baby steps here.

The shortest? A whopping four hours.

I’m not sure what’s scarier here — the fact the Tigers are embarrassing themselves so frequently or that the domain name was still available. I give it a week before it turns into a breeding ground for midget porn.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn, but things don’t look too bright in Columbia right now, and I don’t see that changing for a while.

Mizzou, for one week, please stop fucking up. Please.

Image via YouTube


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