North Korea Hates Big Tits, Freedom

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Recent developments out of South Korea’s stealthily shrouded, closet-kept sister to the north show evidence that the reign of recent successor, Kim Jong Un, is off to a much shittier start than American intelligence could have possibly imagined.

Fox News GlobalPost reports a shocking cultural trend recently brought to light in a South Korean journalist’s observations: North Korea hates big tits.

That’s right. Large-breasted women are so discriminated against in North Korea they try to shrink or hide their boobs in order to boost their social standing, according to the South Korean daily JoongAng Ilbo as cited by Korea watcher Robert Koehler.

The bigger your breasts, the more likely you’ll be considered a slut, the women reportedly said, “because you’re seen as strutting your stuff.”

These people just don’t get it. Seriously, at this point, I’m completely fucking baffled. I don’t care what culture or nation you’re from, but loving enormous breasts is an absolutely primal instinct of man. Fact.

Granted, these terrifyingly senseless North Koreans are the same people that believe former leader Kim Jong Il shot a 5-hole-in-one, -38 round on a 7,700 yard course, that their country won the World Cup in 2010, and who go to the world’s biggest stadium (seats 150,000) to not watch sports.

The report goes on:

GlobalPost’s senior correspondent for East Asia, Geoffrey Cain, says that North Korea is trailing behind trends that are more popular elsewhere in the region.

Yeah… this was kind of evident already, but honestly, do they even know the world is round? This North Korean information suppression tomfoolery is basically like phase one of the world’s worst possible lifelong pledge processes.

The desire for small breasts is a form of chastity in this conservative and male-dominated society. North Koreans take pride in their culture being supposedly pure and untainted by the evils of Western capitalism, a charge that they always lob at their southern cousins.

Okay North Korea, fuck you and don’t bother looking at these phenomenal rush boobs! Have a horrible non-athletic, no fun-having, oppressed, illogical knowledge-possessing, NF life! If you ever want to come to your senses, call us, we’ll invade you.

-America

On a side note, there is some good news from the Korean peninsula for all you aspiring international businessmen.

“Boob jobs” are popular in South Korea, where the people are the most cosmetically enhanced in the world, Cain said, who is based in Seoul, and they’re also becoming a hot item for the new affluent women of China, Vietnam and Indonesia.

Stay ahead of the curve.

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[via Fox News]

Image via The Guardian

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