North Korea Needs To Calm The Fuck Down

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Kim Jong Un and his pack of idiots are at it again this week. North Korea released a video on their government website depicting what seems to be a look into the future through the eyes of Kim Jong Un. Well, either that or an awfully produced educational video on space that you watched in fifth grade. The video also depicts American cities engulfed in flames and fighter jets crashing into buildings. A poorly played, keyboard version of “We Are The World” is being played in the background. I’ll give them points for gut-busting irony.

North Korea is also slated to test a nuclear missile in the next few days, as well, and that will probably cause all sorts of problems in international politics. These are crazy people we are dealing with here. You would think feeding, employing and supplying power to your own people would be more important than nuclear warfare, but I guess it isn’t above the 39th parallel.

It’s not like the US of A can just invade North Korea and butt-fuck them into submission like I would love to see us do. One of their biggest allies is China. I mean, fuck China, but they’re not exactly a military lightweight. North Korea is acting like an Ed Hardy wearing douche at a bar, standing behind their bigger, more muscular friend and you just want to pop them right in the jaw and fuck their girlfriend, but you can’t because you know you’d be in for a real fight with the big, muscular dude. Any type of conflict with North Korea may very well result in World War III and Kim Jong Un knows it. So he’ll keep popping off garbage like this until China finally backs off of their support of the world’s version of Flint, Michigan.

I believe the US should submit a response to this video. Have Michael Bay direct it, have Gwar playing in the background and just scare the shit out of them. Or just have footage of drone strikes and the shock-and-awe invasion of Baghdad in 2003. That should shut them down.

I’m not worried about North Korea. They are comedy on the international front. Hilarious, really. What does scare me is their strong, but deteriorating, alliance with China. I’m wondering if China actually gets anything out of that alliance? Maybe North Korea is like the friend that’s always down on his luck and broke and China’s just helping them out until North Korea gets their shit together. But it doesn’t look like that’s happening any time soon.

Calm the fuck down, North Korea.

[via The Telegraph]

Image via Bloomberg

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  1. The Baron

    Ain’t scared one bit. Koreans and Chinese are a small, meek people and any Red-Blooded, Whiskey-Swilling, Pussy-Smashing, Beer-Chugging American Male could easily take down ten of them before his regular-morning hangover wore off.

    Fuck Commies and God Bless America.

    -The Baron

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  2. Serious About Boats

    I fucking dare you North Korea to fuck with us even once. The most significant thing that would happen if we beat your ass is that Toby Keith would write a new song.

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  3. thuddy1855

    China isn’t really their ally. They just like to see the stupid shit they do next. The only reason china gives NK any aide is because they don’t want to see millions of oppressed people starve to death with NK’s food shortage. If any incident happened they would agree that they have to put down their retarded little brother like Lennie in “Of Mice and Men” for the betterment of their nation. Like why on earth would they want NK to launch their baby Nuke across the pacific towards us when we have nuclear submarines off their coast ready to blast the fat fuck to high heaven which means that the radiation would totally fuck over China in the process.

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    • Fratthew_Broderick

      China also really doesn’t want to have to deal with a shitload of North Korean refugees fucking up their economy. South Korea, same thing. They would rather the North Koreans suffer to themselves than escape and hurt their own economic growth. And the North Koreans’ belief that Kim Jong Un is a deity doesn’t help. Holy shit that country is fucked up

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    • frat1990

      China is also one of our biggest allies and they need us to keep buying their shit. But NK is pissing them off also and since we spend 6x that of China on our military, China wouldn’t start shit against us. It would be China, Japan, South Korea and Russia owning NK before we even showed up. Which kind of sucks, because I would like to piss all over the 39th parallel.

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    • BraunFKennedy

      frat1990 is on point. It’s highly unlikely that China would not intervene directly to silence Kim Jong Un in order to avoid WW3 with us by supporting NK. They’re also trying their damnedest not to lose North Korea as a buffer state against South Korea’s American presence.

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    • Colonel Classic

      ^^ North Korea probably thought it was like when we copy some really obscure article, because they live in North Korea MW3 is probably nowhere to be seen within the entire country’s borders. fucking communist bastards…

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