Now, I’m not a huge soccer fan currently. I’ve tried to watch before, but the flailing around in pain after a player is grazed by a blade of grass is simply infuriating. It’s absolutely unwatchable. However, if there were a few rule changes and it became more like this video of piss drunk Norwegians? I’d be very down for that.
This video comes to us from our funny-smelling neighbors across the big pond and then across a smaller pond. The rules of these guys’ soccer match are simple: Get wasted and score goals while you’re wasted.
Due to the amount of piss and vomit in this video, this hits so close to home for me, and will likely do the same for you.
Game-winning goal by the drunkest player on the field. That’s how it always happens, because God makes it happen. If God didn’t want you to get wasted off your ass, then why’d he make alcohol taste so good? Exactly.
I’d pay good money to see Cristiano Ronaldo’s bitch ass take 15 tequila shots, try and pull off one of his flowery juke moves, blow out an ACL, fall to the turf, and piss himself. He’d still probably pull, even if he vomited as well.
This is literally a video of a fraternity party on the weekend before someone runs in and goes, “Yo, we’ve got an intramural match against those Kappa Kappa Phi douchebags in 15 minutes. Let’s go!” Athletic ability seems to be the same, too. The only difference is everyone’s a bit older and looks a little strange.
Thank you, Norway, for this little slice of heaven. Gives me peace of mind that I’m not the only one getting blackout drunk before trying to score..