Obama Would Like Your Wedding Guests to Donate to His Campaign

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I can’t decide whether the Obama campaign is doing this because Mitt Romney is SO rich that they’re going to need to get money from every conceivable corner of America, or because the people who ran Obama’s successful 2008 campaign started smoking crack and snorting bath salts. Either way I’ve come up with some other uselessful ways the Obama campaign can raise money:

– Put out tip jars at Starbucks
– Hire sidewalk performers
– Literally panhandle on the side of the highway
Hire porn stars to give $1 blow jobs across the country
– Set up dummy wishing wells near schools full of less fortunate children
– Steal from mall fountains
– Ask all the hopeless bands and filmmakers on Kickstarter to turn over the donations they’ve accumulated to the campaign
– Collect cans and recycle them, like the hobos do
– Dollar dances with Barack Obama
– Place “malfunctioning” soda machines that eat dollars all over the country
– Ask for everyone’s old Sacagawea dollars, because no one wants those anyway

Any other ideas? Leave them in the comments.

[h/t to reader Sand Saver]

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Nice Move

Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 1

    Make an online poker account using the tax payer’s $$$ & attempt to win big. If bank roll gets low, just deposit more tax payer $$$.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 1
    JamesWestfall

    If I was opening my wedding gifts and found a letter saying ‘congratulations, we’ve placed a donation to Obama for America in your name’ I would murder that person. Then go to the Obama campaign offices and murder them as well and take my donation back. Then proceed to give it to Romney. But thank God I am not getting married amiright guys?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago