Ohio Man Arrested For Boning A Van

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An Ohio Man was arrested on Tuesday for laying pipe on a parked van.

From The Marion Star:

DAYTON, Ohio — A Dayton man was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly tried to have sexual intercourse with a van.

Police responded to a report that a man with his pants down was swinging from a stop sign on Tuesday evening, WDTN-TV reported.

When officers arrived, they found Michael Henson, who appeared to be intoxicated, walking around wearing only gym shorts and shoes.

A woman who called police told officers she saw Henson standing near a parked van. She said Henson pulled his shorts down and placed his genitals in the front grill of the van, WDTN reports.

Michael, you dawg! Just one of those nights, amirite? We’ve all been there. When you first see that big, rusty van parked across the street, you tell yourself, “No way in hell would I stick my dick in that hooptie.” Then, after six or seven or eight drinks, that homely Plymouth starts to look like a Ferrari Enzo. Next thing ya know, you’re balls deep in the grill, thrusting away with your hands on the hood.

The witness said Henson continued his actions with the van for a while before he passed out in a nearby yard.

Henson is charged with public indecency, according to WDTN.

Hitting it then passing out immediately afterwards? Too classic.

Some guys get hammered, then wake up after fucking a big ol’ van and say, “Ohh shit I can’t believe I banged a motor vehicle that gross.” But some guys like ’em thick and worn — every group has at least one guy who’s a known Jalopy-Chaser. I don’t judge. Large vans are known for giving great headroom.

**UPDATE**

The van has just given birth to happy, healthy, 5-ton baby boy:

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Congrats to Michael and Van.

[via The Marion Star]

Image via YouTube

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