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Oklahoma Police Offering Up Free Test To Make Sure Your Meth Is Gluten Free

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Gluten is a horrible poison invented by the Illuminati to keep the human population in check. A lady with dreadlocks on the street once told me that eating even one, single gluten completely rots your insides and gives you cancer of the ass. It is every man, woman, child, puppy, and Whole Foods shopper’s God-given right as Americans to be free of this scourge.

That’s why the helpful folks at the Tecumseh Police Department in Oklahoma have taken it upon themselves to test your methamphetamine for the presence of the hideous chemical. Not meth, gluten.

If you happen to live in Tecumseh, and are concerned about the purity of your meth, please call the police department immediately. Your health, and your children’s health depends on it.

For anyone reading that is concerned, I also offer a personal service where I examine your paper currency for gluten contamination. You can send it directly to my PO Box in Scottsdale. Just make sure you remember to do it before you get your meth tested, as gluten-laced money is far more toxic than meth.

Image via Shutterstock

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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