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Ole Miss Intramurals Are Banning Teams That Show Up Drunk, I Thought This Was America

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To the fraternity man, every recreational sports league is a beer league. Showing up hammered drunk to play sports is a tradition like one other — showing up hammered drunk to raise money for pediatric cancer research at sorority philanthropy events. Greek intramurals have been this way forever, and there is no plan to change that. Not after the courtside trash cans fill up with vomit, not after a soccer goalie has to be resuscitated after getting his neck caught in the net while attempting to use it as a hammock midgame, and not after the refs have had their lives threatened. Never.

That’s why I take Ole Miss’ anti-alcohol actions as an affront to fraternities everywhere. Look at how they treated this fraternity indoor soccer team.

ole miss

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!! Not letting a fraternity participate in the postseason is pretty much the intramural sports death penalty. It’s not expressly stated, but this is a recruitment ban, too. Who’s going to want to rush this chapter after they didn’t even make an appy in the IM indoor soccer playoffs? Nobody, that’s who. This chapter just dropped down to irrelevant status faster than the Harlem Shake and Lil Romeo’s basketball career combined.

I can’t help but feel like Ole Miss was discriminating against this team of proud, free, masturbate-to-amber-waves-of-grain level of patriotism Americans. Their team name had a Greek reference in it, and I can almost guarantee that when they saw that, they made sure to pay extra attention to their levels of sobriety. That’s prejudice in its truest form. We need less Ole Miss in this world (and I feel like we just might get it after that whole Laremy Tunsil debacle).

They should hire Jake Anderson to run their intramurals. That dude knows what’s up.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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