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Paid Sex Breaks Could Become A Thing In Sweden

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While some of our Swedish friends were setting cars on fire and smashing store fronts over the weekend (because protesting is cool in other countries, too), one hero law-maker in the ultra-progressive Scandinavian country suggested companies offer a daily paid hour break so employees may reconnect with their partners, in the biblical sense.

From Quartz:

Muskos expressed concern about couples who do not have enough time together, and noted that “studies” show that sex is healthy. “It’s about having better relationships,” the AFP reported him saying. In the Swedish press, he emphasized the wellness benefits, which he said would be enjoyed by both single and coupled people.

The article goes on to state that the average Swede works a little over 1,600 hours a year (about 200 fewer than the average American). Assuming the people in the land of red candy fish work eight hours at a time (which I doubt), that’s almost 200 bone seshes a year. Not too bad, but let’s be realistic. Has this guy ever even had sex? In most instances, you gotta put some work into a girl before she’ll fuck you 200 times in 365 days — that’s 0.55 sexes a day, or one every 44 hours, excluding birthdays and holidays. As humorous as the image is of a coworker strutting back into the office with grin plastered to his face and a slight limp and shirt on backwards, I foresee a couple issues with this well-intended plan.

For starters, young professionals already have sex o’clock: It’s called a lunch hour. The prospect of sneaking off to a dimly-lit break room, or some unused office space for a little covert corporate coitus with someone who isn’t the person hogging the majority of your bed space is the stuff of $2 smut novels, and a fantasy of 64 percent of women, according to this study I just made up. Hell, work time is the best excuse to ignore our significant others, not to mention the idea of setting aside time to reconvene with our fiancées and girlfriends just sucks all the fun out of banging a girl with whom we work.

The second issue I take with paid sex-time off is the time frame itself — a whole hour. Even in the porn industry, everyone knows even the steamiest scenes are shot over the course of several days, if not weeks, since God never intended boneage to last more than a couple minutes per session. It’s science; look it up. Assuming the office is just down the street, this sounds like 20 minutes of travel and 37 1/2 minutes of saying “sorry, but I really need to get back to work,” which leads me to my final qualm: what most of us would do with the rest of our plow-her hour.

Who the hell wants to go back to work after having sex? At least in Western (civilized) countries, our post-coital rituals involve some good whiskey, a cigarette, calling her an Uber, and laying back down to watch some Modern Family. There’s almost no chance I’m picking my pleated pants up off the ground, smoothing out the wrinkles, looking for a new, less sweaty shirt and going back to work after getting my rocks off. Unless the company is paying for the prostitute, too, I’ll pass.

The whole idea of paid sexy time sounds great, but let’s think about this: What guy needs such a time set aside every day? I do just fine when I’m not on company time. As much as I’d love to be paid for my time in the Bone Zone™, after a few days (more like a week or two) I’d probably skip the sex break in favor of ordering a Baconator and playing on my phone for 45 minutes, like the rest of normal society.

[via Quartz]

Image via Shutterstock

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Kramer Smash

Kramer is a future Bachelorette contestant with an affinity for brown girls, who hails from the more successful side of the keystone state. He enjoys long crawls to the liquor cabinet and has only been punched in the face once. Send lovelies to kraysmash@gmail.com

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