Papa John’s Pizzas Are Going to Be Half Off Today Thanks to Terrible Promotions Research

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This tweet from the official Major League Baseball Twitter:

How likely is it that there will be at least 100 combined runs scored in today’s games? Really, really likely.

From Baseball Nation:

All teams play today. The average team is scoring 4.35 runs per game this year. Multiply that by 30 and you have roughly 130 runs. Then factor in one doubleheader today.

By comparison, there were 110 runs scored yesterday. There were exactly 100 runs scored last Thursday, and only 22 teams were in action. The last I saw a day come close was July 15 when there were 101 runs on a full day featuring dudes like Verlander, Cain, Sale, Strasburg and Hamels. Unless a giant rainstorm suddenly consumes the country, basically you’re getting a half-off pizza coupon and you’re going to like it.

So, yeah, either this was on purpose and Papa John’s just figured that not many people would see that tweet, or someone in their marketing department doesn’t watch very much baseball. It’s not like they’re going to lose money or anything, but I still kind of hope it’s the latter and some poor 23-year-old is sitting around terrified for their job right now. But that’s just because I’m a terrible person and feed off the misery of others. Now please excuse me while I put on a devil mask and run around the pediatrician’s office on the first floor of our building, screaming and pointing syringes at children.

Be sure to get shitfaced and give Papa John’s a call tonight. It’s guaranteed to be 50% off.

UPDATE

We’re three runs away but there are only two games left, each at a score of 3-0 in the 6th and 4th innings respectably. We’re cutting it close.

UPDATE 2

We’ve crossed the threshold. 50% off Papa John’s pizza. In other news their delicious artery clogging garlic sauce is still free.

***

Follow me on Twitter @BaconTFM

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. -1
    N Fratgate Taylor

    They have the same promotion for the Texas Rangers. Everytime they score 7 or more runs the next day your order is 50% off, too. They also do it for their Minor league team, The Express. There really hasn’t been a week that one of Those teams doesn’t score more than 7 runs. So it happens about twice a week.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. -1
    Oprah ls A Dyke

    This isn’t true. I’m close personal friends with the CEO, CFO, CSO, Market Research Director, Advertising Executive, Head Chef, four separate Sous Chefs, the Costume Designer, Executive Producer, CSA, Best Boy, Gaffer, and Cinematographer of Papa Johns Inc., and they’ve all confirmed this to be false.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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