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Patrick Bateman or Jordan Belfort: Who’s More F?

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SPOILERS ahead. But really, if you haven’t seen either of these movies by now, you should thunderously punch yourself in the genitals. You’re welcome, idiots.

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Short answer: Bateman. Obviously, it’s Patrick Bateman.

Long answer: Let’s all slow our rolls.
When we talk about a Mount Rushmore of Most F movie characters, certain characters consistently come to mind. We’re talking a real “who’s who of F” status. Names like Gordon Gekko, Ice Man, Ron Burgundy, and perhaps the biggest name of them all, Patrick Bateman.

Which brings us to Jordan Belfort.

“The Wolf Of Wall Street” has taken not just Greek life, but America as a whole, by a morally-decrepit storm. It’s an amazing movie, the best film to hit theaters since Martin Scorsese’s last hit, “The Departed.”

Let’s all take a breath for a second. There have been rumblings, mostly from JIs who don’t know any better, that Belfort is the true hero of Greek life. Say what? Hope those fools didn’t return their “American Psycho” videotapes too quickly.

Who’s more F? Don’t be an idiot. Bateman > Belfort. Here’s why.

Jordan Belfort Is New Money

Belfort definitely has a few things going for him. It helps his cause that all the insane shenanigans depicted in “WOWS” actually (probably) happened, unlike that boy next door wussy Bateman, who was too afraid to do anything other than scribble in his cute little diary.

Belfort is a self-made man. He went to school, got a job on Wall Street, learned a trick or two from a war-chanting Matthew McConaughey, then done changed the penny stock game. You know what that makes Jordan?

That’s A Very Fine Chardonnay Belfort’s Not Sipping

“American Psycho” is filled to the brim with quotes you’ll hear at any given party. Conversely, try to spit out a “WOWS” quote.

Bateman Set The Bar Impossibly High

Bottom line: it’s been 14 years since the film version of “American Psycho” came out, and its presence is still felt in Greek life. From Genesis’ 1980 album “Duke” still being blasted at parties to the popularity of the power slicked back haircut, Bateman’s legacy is remarkably intact. With all due respect to Jordan Belfort, I just don’t see Steve Madden and currently nonexistent hallucinogens catching on.

 

Sums it up.

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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