UPDATE: Police Bust GDIs Sammies For Hazing After Hearing the Freshmen’s Screams From the Street

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Apparently at SUNY Albany you have to be hazed just to be a GDI. I’d probably just as soon not attend SUNY Albany.

“When officers actually got out of their cars, they could hear people screaming ‘please stop, please stop,’ and the words ‘beg for mercy’,” said Albany Police Spokesman Steve Smith after officers were called to 470 Hudson Avenue early Friday morning for a noise complaint.

The police got a noise complaint? What was the specific complaint?

“Umm hi, 9-1-1? I think some people are being slowly murdered next door. Can you send over an officer and tell my neighbors to stop torturing so loud? I have a 9am tomorrow.”

What the police ended up finding wasn’t a brotherhood building event since, you know, it wasn’t an actual fraternity. Instead they found some sort of Saw/Guantanamo Bay-esque informal ritual.

When they went inside to investigate, Smith said, “They went into the basement of the house and located 14 SUNY Albany students lying face down on the floor of the basement. They were being hit with paddles, as well as rubber hoses. Their faces were submerged in water.”

Listen, I know this wasn’t a fraternity, and as such these guidos had no hope of grasping this anyway, but I’ll say this regardless; it’s one thing to treat pledges like the walking mistakes that they are, but try not to confuse hazing with an Eli Roth movie. For example, when a pledge is standing, bent over, and you hit him with a paddle, that’s paddling. When a pledge is lying on the ground, face down in water, and you hit him with a paddle, that’s a 19th Century prison beating.

Smith said the water was about two to three inches deep and the floor was covered in mud and debris. He said the students appeared to be potential pledges for some sort of unsanctioned group, club or fraternity.

This cannot be stressed enough: It wasn’t even a real fraternity. God those kids are morons, and for that I almost feel like they deserved what they got, which was to be treated like an undocumented Thai hooker cast in a snuff film against her will. They let a bunch of geeds haze them, or rather, treat them like they were Pulp Fiction gimps, all so that they could be in a thirty person party club. Reevaluate your life choices, kids.

“It’s a frat house as far as I know, I mean there’s always stuff going on over there. You always hear yelling, screaming, partying,” said UAlbany student Jazmine Delgado. Delgado lives next door to the house and said she wasn’t shocked to hear of hazing happening there.

Delgado added, “No I really am not shocked at all to hear of the hazing happening there, mostly because of all the hazing I literally heard happening over there. At least now I know it’s hazing, and not a party like I had originally thought. Although in retrospect I haven’t been to too many parties where people were shouting ‘NO! NOT THE WEED WACKER! NOT IN MY ASS! PLEASE GOD NO!’ So I guess it should have been obvious.”

“They’ve all been run through the SUNY Albany roster,” said Steve Smith. “The seven arrested (for hazing) as well as the 14 victims are not members of any fraternity that’s affiliated with SUNY Albany.”

Great, it’s NOT a fraternity, then let’s stop calling this a “frat house” and start calling it what it really is, a group of try hard GDIs who like physically abusing freshman and don’t want to pay fraternity dues. Sorry guys, looks like you’re going to have to get your weird, pain loving boners elsewhere. What’s that? You’re in jail? Well then you shouldn’t have any problems.

[Source]

***UPDATE***

Turns out the initial reports were wrong, the hazing incident DID involve a fraternity, Sigma Alpha Mu, though the fraternity is not currently recognized by the school. With that in mind I’m just going to go ahead and keep considering them geeds.

Officers were called to the house to investigate a loud disturbance and found a total of 14 individuals in the basement being subjected to what appeared to be an initiation for the fraternity Sigma Alpha Mu (SAM), according to a source at the university who chooses to remain anonymous due to proximity to those arrested.

Way to go assholes. This story is no longer as hilarious. It’s still kind of funny, if only because you all look like you’re on a TLC reality show entitled “Real Blunt Force Head Trauma Victims of New Jersey.”

[h/t to reader In God We Trust]

[Source]

***


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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 2
    TheGent

    I wonder how many people will read this article and assume it’s just more “frat guys” hazing, even though it specifically says they aren’t. I wonder how many media outlets are going to cover this and completely blow it out of proportion, making claims that independent houses are breeding grounds for the worst type of people imaginable.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 2
    girthfordays

    Difference:

    North: BOSS
    South: pretentious rednecks (a lot of which are probably closeted homosexuals)

    @northernlax: and I’m sure you took the comment, didn’t say anything back, and now you’re here on an online forum to vent! WHATABITCH!

    Also, for you to make a trip all the way to Albany to party says a lot about your pretentious little gatherings stocked with Skinny Girl and Mike’s Hard.

    Take your distant brotherhood and joke of a pledge process (seriously, I read an article about your typical hellweek (it’s only a fucking week too? do you just hand-out bids too?)), and shove it up your ass.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 1
      Northern Lax

      there is nothing BOSS about the North, especially Albany. Every fraternity in that stupid city is a fucking joke. You don’t even have real houses they are shitty fucking apartments in the ghetto. Every single one of you probably spends more time gelling your hair to get the perfect blowout than your repulsive slampig of a gf does. You walk around wearing skin tight affliction tee shirts with sweet ripped abercrombie jeans. You are all trash.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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