Polo’s U.S. Olympic Opening Ceremony Outfits Revealed, Not Great

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Nice Move

The United States Olympic Team revealed their opening ceremony outfits, designed by Ralph Lauren, on the Today Show this morning. Suffice it to say there are a couple questionable fashion choices.

I’m not going to sit here and claim to be a fashion expert, because the khaki shorts that I haven’t washed in a month and am currently wearing make it very clear that I’m not. That said I do know a few things, starting with the long held tenet that berets are for thin mustached, existentialist Frenchmen who write terrible poetry and smoke their cigarettes out of a long cigarette holder like a barely male version of Cruella de Vil. Berets are not for Americans, let alone elite American athletes. In fact the only way an American can get away with wearing a beret is if he’s so unfathomably badass that he can make his effeminate headgear irrelevant. I’m of course referring to U.S. Special Forces like the Green Berets. Those guys could have a strap on dildo as their official hat and they’d still be more of a man than you or I.

Also, what if the NBA stars decide they like the berets? I don’t need to see Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, etc. rocking some flaccid head pancake with a Mary Tyler Moore print on it during postgame interviews next season. American athletes don’t wear French hats. French athletes wear American hats, and by hats I mean scrotums.

Seriously that was the greatest sack dragging dunk of all time. U-S-A.

The beret is an awful, head scratching addition to this outfit. Everyone in this Today Show video claims to love the beret, but the idiots doth protest too much, methinks.

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Overall the rest of the outfit looks pretty great. The tie is cool and I like the white pants, but the blazer is a little off. The giant Polo horse is a bit much. I understand that Ralph Lauren wants their brand to be visible, but in the real world the giant Polo horse is the symbol for “HEY LOOK AT ME! YOU GUYS! LOOK! I BOUGHT POLO! THIS SHIRT WAS EXPENSIVE AND I BOUGHT IT! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! I SWEAR I HAVE EXPENSIVE TASTES, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WEARING POLO?!”

I’d say overall the U.S. opening ceremony outfit is about 80% cool, 20% stupid, which is right in line with Polo’s overall clothes making track record. Either way, it’ll look great with a bunch of gold medals hanging over it.



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  1. 1

    We look like gay soviet spy. If any respecting sports athlete (so real sports, meaning like 1 or 2 of them) wears this they should be banned form professional sports and America.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • 0

      Frat rage here’s an idea for you, take a knife, sharpen it until it cuts paper cut thin cuts in you, lube up your ass and sit on it. Because you telling a troll I’m trying to hard and in fact I truly have no care to impress anyone on this site (only come on to read you losers try to be frat) shows your little importance on this planet. In fact your importance to not only this world but probably people around you in general is an iota of an atom, so please get the biggest knife at your closet wal-mart.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  2. 0
    Frattrick Swayze

    ^^The Army is actually moving away from that. The use of the black berets was to make regular soldiers feel cool like the Special Forces, who wear green berets, the Rangers, khaki, and the airborne, maroon. But about the referencing of the U.S. Special Forces like the Green Berets, they are the same thing. Green Berets= U.S. Special Forces.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  3. -1

    Polo is becoming a GDI brand.
    Brooks Brothers dressing the US Olympic team was be Fratty as Fuck.

    Spot on about the big Polo horse, I can’t stand when people do that.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • 1

      lol @ polo becoming a GDI brand, anything can be fucking GDI. I could have on a brooks brothers blazer and shirt, but be wearing cargo shorts and jordans. Its all how u put your clothes together…this polo picture does look stupid as fuck tho.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • -3
      Haze That Pledge

      Anyone that says “Polo is NF” is, in my opinion, a try hard. Acting like you’re too good for RL is classic wannabe elitist douchery. Just because someone you deem “below you” wears a certain brand it’s now NF? Brooks Brothers is definitely FAF, no question there, but it’s not like hoodrats and and jagoffs haven’t been trying to commandeer RL for years. This isn’t a recent phenomenon, ace. Just because YOU started wearing Ralph Lauren during Fall Rush 2011 doesn’t mean you’re the be all, end all of the brand.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • -6
      Kappa Significant

      Checking your post for errors before you publish it would also be FAF but why worry about sounding stupid when all this fashion drama is holding our attention huh?…

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  4. -1
    To The Hazement

    I dont understand all of the hate against berets. Everyone in the Army has a black one with a unit patch on the front if im not mistaken. Im no expert on the matter, but my buddy was wearing one when he came home from base.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago

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