Polo’s U.S. Olympic Opening Ceremony Outfits Revealed, Not Great

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

The United States Olympic Team revealed their opening ceremony outfits, designed by Ralph Lauren, on the Today Show this morning. Suffice it to say there are a couple questionable fashion choices.

I’m not going to sit here and claim to be a fashion expert, because the khaki shorts that I haven’t washed in a month and am currently wearing make it very clear that I’m not. That said I do know a few things, starting with the long held tenet that berets are for thin mustached, existentialist Frenchmen who write terrible poetry and smoke their cigarettes out of a long cigarette holder like a barely male version of Cruella de Vil. Berets are not for Americans, let alone elite American athletes. In fact the only way an American can get away with wearing a beret is if he’s so unfathomably badass that he can make his effeminate headgear irrelevant. I’m of course referring to U.S. Special Forces like the Green Berets. Those guys could have a strap on dildo as their official hat and they’d still be more of a man than you or I.

Also, what if the NBA stars decide they like the berets? I don’t need to see Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, etc. rocking some flaccid head pancake with a Mary Tyler Moore print on it during postgame interviews next season. American athletes don’t wear French hats. French athletes wear American hats, and by hats I mean scrotums.

Seriously that was the greatest sack dragging dunk of all time. U-S-A.

The beret is an awful, head scratching addition to this outfit. Everyone in this Today Show video claims to love the beret, but the idiots doth protest too much, methinks.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Overall the rest of the outfit looks pretty great. The tie is cool and I like the white pants, but the blazer is a little off. The giant Polo horse is a bit much. I understand that Ralph Lauren wants their brand to be visible, but in the real world the giant Polo horse is the symbol for “HEY LOOK AT ME! YOU GUYS! LOOK! I BOUGHT POLO! THIS SHIRT WAS EXPENSIVE AND I BOUGHT IT! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT! I SWEAR I HAVE EXPENSIVE TASTES, WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WEARING POLO?!”

I’d say overall the U.S. opening ceremony outfit is about 80% cool, 20% stupid, which is right in line with Polo’s overall clothes making track record. Either way, it’ll look great with a bunch of gold medals hanging over it.

Rob Fox

Rob Fox (né Bacon) is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Rob is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

More From Rob Fox »


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

  1. 2

    We look like gay soviet spy. If any respecting sports athlete (so real sports, meaning like 1 or 2 of them) wears this they should be banned form professional sports and America.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • 1

      Frat rage here’s an idea for you, take a knife, sharpen it until it cuts paper cut thin cuts in you, lube up your ass and sit on it. Because you telling a troll I’m trying to hard and in fact I truly have no care to impress anyone on this site (only come on to read you losers try to be frat) shows your little importance on this planet. In fact your importance to not only this world but probably people around you in general is an iota of an atom, so please get the biggest knife at your closet wal-mart.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
  2. 0

    Horrible. I remember one year they wore the white trousers, blue blazers, straw boater hats and Allen Edmonds Two-Toned Spectator Shoes. FaF.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • 0

      Yeah this is far from the worlds most watched event. Though I hate soccer World Cup and Euro are two examples, cricket matches, F1 races. Maybe before you spout stupidity you should read up you moron.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • 0

      “Estimates for the 2008 Summer Olympics opening ceremony global TV viewership varied between one and four billion,[2][3][4][5][6][7] including an estimated 842 million viewers watching on host Chinese broadcaster China Central Television.[2] A verifiable audience of 984 million tuned in to the opening ceremony at some stage, averaging at 593 million, while 778 million watched the closing ceremony.[8] The 2008 Summer Olympics is the current record holder for a multi-day broadcast. It is estimated by Nielsen Media Research that up to 4.7 billion individual viewers (70% of the world’s population) watched some part of the coverage.[9]”


      Looks like you’re a hypocritical retard.^

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • -1

      Maybe he’s thinking its time to rise above childish clothing stereotypes. A gentleman is a gentleman, whether the pony on his shirt is big or small. Some of you think the small pony makes you elite; it doesn’t. It won’t get you any bit of an edge over someone else in a job interview like myself, and since it seems like I’m the more mature man, I’ll probably get the job.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
  3. -1

    Polo is becoming a GDI brand.
    Brooks Brothers dressing the US Olympic team was be Fratty as Fuck.

    Spot on about the big Polo horse, I can’t stand when people do that.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • 0
      Haze That Pledge

      Anyone that says “Polo is NF” is, in my opinion, a try hard. Acting like you’re too good for RL is classic wannabe elitist douchery. Just because someone you deem “below you” wears a certain brand it’s now NF? Brooks Brothers is definitely FAF, no question there, but it’s not like hoodrats and and jagoffs haven’t been trying to commandeer RL for years. This isn’t a recent phenomenon, ace. Just because YOU started wearing Ralph Lauren during Fall Rush 2011 doesn’t mean you’re the be all, end all of the brand.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • -1

      lol @ polo becoming a GDI brand, anything can be fucking GDI. I could have on a brooks brothers blazer and shirt, but be wearing cargo shorts and jordans. Its all how u put your clothes together…this polo picture does look stupid as fuck tho.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
    • -3
      Kappa Significant

      Checking your post for errors before you publish it would also be FAF but why worry about sounding stupid when all this fashion drama is holding our attention huh?…

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago

Load More

1 2