Once my friend texted me about going out that night: “I don’t know how you do it.”
I texted back: “Pop a bottle, pour and swallow. That’s how.”
Way too often, people (specifically upperclassmen) act like drinking and going out is a chore. It’s as if people don’t want to have fun. They’re “too tired” or “too hungover” or “too on the wagon.” Well college isn’t just the best time of our lives; it’s also the best metabolism of our lives. Put it to the test on something other than keeping the “Freshman 15” a myth.
As for being too tired, the government has yet to outlaw Red Bull and Adderall, so that excuse is completely fucked. I don’t know what the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous is, though I might find out after graduation, but the first step to keeping that drinking streak alive is to simply pop a bottle, pour and swallow. When it comes to rallying, there’s no need to over think things. In order to get over that initial hump, you just Nike that shit. When you first start rallying, drinks are like failed tests: the first few are always the worst, but after awhile they really don’t bother you.
Now that “YOLO” has become the go-to for middle school girls updating their twitter profiles and douchebags posting pictures of empty Keystone boxes, “PABPAS” is probably a better way to define the lifestyle of a young go-hard. Do we really need to be making excuses to drink and party? I think we just need to drink and party.
Quit bitching and rally. Pop a bottle, pour and swallow. Take a disgustingly long nap right after class, down some ramen with a side of Flintstones multi-vitamins, and then turn on some Chief Keef, Roscoe Dash or whatever your choice of awful yet rousing music happens to be, take a freezing (power) shower and get ready to go. It’s always worth it, because when you go out, the possibilities are endless. Good luck landing a slampiece if you plan on eating pizza on your couch while watching the Big Bang Theory with a fucking cat on your lap. Though if you do, save some of that DiGiorno for the rest of us when we get back at 4:00am.