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Pornhub To Users: Stop Uploading Videos Of Brazil “Getting F**ked By Germany” In The World Cup

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Good God, this is amazing. And to think, it all started with a tweet.

Sometime during the semifinal match, when Germany was invading Brazil like it was Poland in Fall 1939, Pornhub’s Twitter account posted this:


Shameless self-promotion–gotta love it. And it seems as if Twitter users took notice. After the majority of the world saw the 7-1 shellacking that Germany gave Brazil–which was arguably the worst loss in World Cup history AND gave us some incredible photos of the saddest Brazilian fans ever–many wanted to make sure that this event would not be forgotten after the final whistle. This was a defeat that would forever live in infamy (and in pornography).

So the Internet did what the Internet will do, as a number of game highlights and German goal montages quickly surfaced on my homepage–I mean the adult site, Pornhub–with titles such as “Young Brazilians get fucked by entire German soccer team” and other variations (feel free to leave your own titles in the comments below).

Finally, Pornhub decided enough was enough and told soccer hooligans and porn enthusiasts alike to leave the sad Brazil fans alone to shamefully mourn their pathetic loss in peace.

Has anyone ever thought of brokering porn and sports highlights together into one package with some kind of new, lucrative television deal with Samantha Ponder as a host? Maybe even creating a new network altogether?

Of course, after years of riding this gravy train, many would cry out about the true definition of “amateurism,” and question whether the actors in said videos were fully being compensated for their work (or really if they were barely legal). We’d see small groups from the skin mags unionize only to set up a lengthy (yet very sexy) trial that both ESPN and Brazzers would salivate over and cover 24/7 after Johnny Football’s grandchild and Lebron James’ impending free agency at age 62. IS HE GOING BACK TO CLEVELAND? Chris Broussard’s corpse would tweet out based on sources he heard from Irving Finebaum in the grave next to him. Regardless, I would sign up for all of this and more in a heartbeat, unless this new channel was a part of Time Warner. Time Warner fucking sucks, and apparently so does Brazil.

[via Huffington Post]

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Jordan Gershowitz

Jordan is a writer living in a small yet overpriced apartment in NYC. He can always be found in his favorite pair of topsiders, even though he doesn't own a yacht (yet). He may not always be right, but he's never wrong and he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything. He could eat cereal for every meal, but doesn't...because you know...carbs. For angry tweets about the state of IU basketball follow him @jordangersh

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