10. Amy Poehler
A former SNL cast member, the leading lady in Parks and Rec, and a licensed MILF (yes, you need a license to be a MILF…don’t research that). She’s a blonde hottie with a bangin’ body. And her wide-eyed smile is so contagious and so adorable it makes you wanna drool a pool and drown in it. She and Tina Fey are easily the hottest duo in comedy right now (both figuratively and literally.) She’s funny as fuck and looks like the hot elementary school teacher that gave you confusing feelings as a kid. Her past relationships include Will Arnett and Nick Kroll. So if you wanna date her, fellas, you better be pretty damn funny too. And no, your generic sarcastic comments and drunk inside jokes aren’t as funny as you think they are.
BEST LINE: “I will take a glass of wine, and give me your cheapest one because I honestly can’t tell the difference”
9. Aubrey Plaza
An insanely sexy brunette with piercing eyes that’ll zap your soul. You probably know her as April from Parks and Recreation. Yes, I’m starting the list off with 2 stars of the same show. This article is already lazy as fuck, but who cares. I know you’re just here for the pictures. You’re a perverted douchebucket who wants to jerk it to funny females and you’re gonna die alone. Aubrey’s deadpan and smartass delivery always makes her seem like she wants to murder you, but like a, a really cute and charming murder. She’s like that rude girl in 6th grade that you had a crush on even though she was always irritated and wore the same My Chemical Romance shirt to school every day.
BEST LINE: “I just wanted to get drunk and make fun of stupid people. My 2 true passions.”
8. Melissa McCarthy
A soon to be new Ghostbuster and one of the funniest women alive, Melissa McCarthy is pretty damn cute and pretty damn talented. I know you’re thinking “but she’s fat! I like my women skinny!” well no one gives a fuck. Big women are sexy as hell, and if you disagree then go back to oiling your washboard abs and whacking off to your own nudes, you superficial psycho. When a girl is fluffy it’s just more body to love, if you don’t click the BBW on Pornhub from time to time you’re dead inside. She stole the show in Bridesmaids so much that she got an Oscar nomination, which is extremely rare for a comedy. She also killed it in The Heat and Spy. She’s so awesome that we can almost forgive her for Identity Thief….. Almost.
BEST LINE: “I hope he’s single, because I am gonna climb that like a tree”
7. Aisha Tyler
She’s the current host of the improv comedy show ‘Whose Line It Is Anyway’. She replaced Drew Carey as the host. So basically she’s like Drew Carey but you wanna fuck her (unless you wanna fuck Drew Carey, which is totally cool. It’s 2016, bro, I’ll give ya Drew’s number.) She has multiple stand-up specials and she tours regularly, so sprint to get tickets to see her sexy ass in person, even though none of us are worthy. She also has multiple TV roles, movie roles, books and a popular podcast. She’s a renaissance woman that’ll hit your funny bone with sledgehammer, and she also happens to be ridiculously attractive.
BEST LINE: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to make homemade porn? My husband and I tried it and we looked like charging hippos. Best leave it to the pros”
6. Sarah Silverman
With long brown hair and an insane body, Silverman is a modern comedy goddess. One of the darkest and most offensive comics of all time, if you’ve laughed at one of her jokes you’re probably going to hell, but don’t worry, it’s probably worth it. She manages to take depressing and disturbing topics and somehow spins them into comedy gold, all while looking stunning, no easy feat. Her concert film ‘Jesus Is Magic’ is a modern classic. She’s got an adorable face and a deceptively wholesome smile. She’s the type of girl you wanna take home to your mom, if you wanna see someone offend the shit outta your mom.
BEST LINE: “The Make-A-Wish foundation makes wishes come true for dying kids……. Wouldn’t their first wish be to not die?”
5. Nikki Glaser
She’s an up and coming comedian, so jump on the Nikki train quick so you can be eventually one of those “I liked her before she was popular” assholes. She’s one of the best stand-ups working today. Her vulgar Comedy Central show “Not Safe With Nikki Glaser,” has some of comedy’s biggest names talking about uncomfortable sexual topics. Her new standup special ‘Perfect’ is well…perfect? Her looks are perfect too. She’s a certified dime that’ll destroy the room with a microphone.
BEST LINE: “There’s just so much I wanna do before I have kids. Ya know, like die.”
4. Natasha Leggero
She by far had the most vicious set at The Roast Of Justin Bieber, going straight for the jugular with every dryly delivered punchline. Her stage persona is beautifully bitchy and she never tries to be “one of the guys.” She gets on stage in luxurious outfits like a sarcastic supermodel. She vapes on stage in her brilliant special Live at Bimbos, and she looks so sexy doing it that you forget how annoying vaping is. She’s fine as hell and in every way and she’s too funny for words.
BEST LINE: (while roasting Justin Bieber) “I heard your mother had you when she was 15. No wonder you’re such a great dancer, you spent 9 months dodging a coat hanger.”
3. Amy Schumer
She’s the biggest person in comedy right now that doesn’t have a name that rhymes with Hevin Kart. Maybe you’re one of her many huge fans, maybe you’re sick of seeing her everywhere, but her talent and good looks can’t be denied. Her film debut Trainwreck smashed the box office and it made me wanna smash her box. And her show Inside Amy Schumer is currently Comedy Centrals biggest show that doesn’t involve Kyle, Stan, Kenny and Cartman. She’s got a cute chipmunk face and a solid body. Stunningly beautiful and hard working, like it or not, this chick is here to stay.
BEST LINE: “I was watching that show ‘Teen Mom’, or as they call it in the south, ‘Mom’….”
2. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
The stars of Seinfeld have had interesting careers. Jerry is a billionaire that still hits the comedy clubs regularly. Kramer turned out to be a raging racist who now lives in exile after a prejudice rant. George somehow has hair now. What happened to Elaine? Well, she got a starring role on Veep and also somehow got even hotter. Julia gets hotter and hotter by the second, like some sexy superhero. Julia’s work speaks for itself, and so do her ridiculously good looks. Keep us making laugh, you wonderful two last named so-and-so.
BEST LINE: “Some people should just give up. I have.”
1. Tina Fey
What did you expect? Tina Fey is impossibly beautiful, and her looks have only gotten better with age, like a fine wine that can write screenplays. She’s got that sexy librarian look on lock. She has mastered it. She was the head writer for SNL during one of its golden ages. She also wrote Mean Girls, that funny movie that your girlfriend is always quoting. She also gave us 30 Rock, helping to keep Tracy Morgan’s mandatory shenanigans in our daily lives. Everything about her screams 10. The glasses, the hair, the body. She’s so hot and so funny that it’s literally unfair. Stop it, Tina. Just stop it.
BEST LINE: “I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats. You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.”.
Image via YouTube