Prominent Taliban Official Accidentally Tweets Out His Secret Location, Is A Dumbass

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When your enemy is a country with a military so advanced that it’s capable of firing ordnance more or less right up your ass at the drop of a hat, it’s probably not a super great idea to tweet out your secret location. Then again, terrorists aren’t notoriously great decision makers.

Still, there is an extra bit of delicious irony when the terrorist making the social media flub is, in fact, one of the beards running the Taliban’s PR department. According to The Daily Dot, Zabiullah Mujahid is a prominent Taliban spokesperson whose location has been speculated about for a while, perhaps until now. Mujahid was in the midst of tweeting out his usual propaganda crap when he forgot to turn off the location settings on his Twitter account, which led to his batshit tweets being geotagged in the Sindh province of Pakistan. Pack up the 20-year-old pickup truck with at least three different colored panels, buddy, because you need to get the hell out of there ASAP. Fingers crossed a fleet of our flying death robots are on the way there now.


Mujahid made the mistake a few more times before finally realizing he was painting a giant red target on his ass. Then, hilariously, the man who makes 1950s big tobacco PR guys look like Susan G. Komen canvassers tried to backtrack, claiming the tweets were manipulated by an enemy plot, and hacking another tweet so that it tagged him in Ohio. Mujahid then said he was actually in Afghanistan, though U.S. officials have long believed he has been operating out of Pakistan, because Pakistan is to terrorists what Florida is to the elderly — a welcoming place to hang out and put off death for as long as possible.

Social media privacy settings can be a bitch, huh? Though, thankfully, if you’re a decent human being, the worst consequences for not properly concealing your social media accounts are an employer seeing old, embarrassing photos of you chugging Rumple Minze and wearing a bed sheet. Not, you know, imminent death via explosion.

[via The Daily Dot]

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