Halloweekend turned out to be quite a blast for a couple of rowdy college kids at the University of Kansas. Reportedly, two KU students engaged in an extremely public romp on the dance floor at of one of Lawrence’s most popular bars, The Jayhawk Café. Don’t think this is just speculation or rumors; there is actual photographic evidence that this sexcapade went down, and it was posted all over Twitter. Don’t you love the Era of iPhones?
Having visited that campus just the weekend before, I really can’t say I’m all that surprised. After beating off some adoring fans (Ed. Note- I just laughed for twenty minutes at that phrasing, how nice of you Veronica – Bacon), especially my biggest fan, Laura, who I’m fairly certain has read every column I’ve ever written (can’t blamer her), I got shwasty at the watering hole where all of this went down. Allow me to set the scene; at this particular bar, nicknamed ‘The Hawk,’ the dance floor is located in a room called the Boom Boom Room. I know, I thought the name was ridiculous too.
I cannot begin to describe how horrifying this room is in person. This isn’t like your run of the mill fraternity basement where people are making out in dark corners. Things were going down that should’ve never seen the light of day…or the flash of strobe light. Mind you, this smoky room also has completely mirrored walls, so you can literally see the action from every angle. It’s like being surrounded by a dozen different versions of the awkward first few minutes of a porno (you know, the brief part after the terrible dialogue but before actual penetration). It’s a room so skeevy that I wanted to bathe myself in hand sanitizer and scrub my skin raw after I left.
On the night in question, this young man, a student at a different school, came to KU to visit some friends. Wearing only a swimsuit, he somehow seduced the slutty schoolgirl into a typical bar MO. The two were so drunk, they both
thought (actually, I’m sure they weren’t thinking at all), “why don’t we just have sex right here, in the middle of a dance floor at a bar where everyone around us can see and take pictures?” Thus, their particular love story sexual adventure actually featured some P in V. Eyewitnesses have stated that the pair were so in the moment that the guy’s shorts were, at one point, around his ankles as he was thrusting away. YOLO?
Of course in the aftermath of this tornado of attention (because it’s in Kansas, get it?) that has surrounded the couple, the guy is treated like a hero and the girl has been repeatedly called a few choice words. Part of me thinks, “Wow what a slut!” but the other part of me feels really badly for the girl. He has already been interviewed by one of the radio stations at KU and confirmed that the two were engaging in sexual intercourse. She obviously has not come forward and identified herself, but now pictures of her having sex with a rando will be on the internet forever. Granted, she was in a very public place out in the open, but still. I’m sure there are a lot of girls on this site that have had sex in a fraternity basement or a public place, there was just nobody there to snap a picture of it. I just hope nobody figures out the girl’s identity.
I think the true takeaway here is that the students of KU can really rage balls. My school is pretty well-known for being a party school, and at times the social scene at other colleges can be kind of a let down. This was not one of those times. For a school that isn’t usually put on any “Best Party Schools” list, the student body can go pretty hard. So here’s to you, KU, you really know how to show everyone how to have a great *fucking* time.