In the 1993 coming-of-age cult classic Dazed and Confused, actor Jason London played Randall “Pink” Floyd. Pink was the star quarterback of Lee High School but wasn’t necessarily the quintessential high school quarterback. He was more of an anti-hero. He had long hair, wore bellbottom jeans with a belt-buckle that doubled as a one-hitter, and had a healthy contempt for rules and authority — as evidenced by his refusal to sign a team pledge promising not to do drugs or anything else that would jeopardize the goal of winning a championship.
Fast-forward 20 years to present-day reality, and we have another classic case of life imitating art.
Jason London was arrested and charged with assault with intent to injure, and disorderly conduct after a barroom scuffle Sunday night. London is accused of fighting a bar patron and a team of security guards at the Martini Ranch in Scottsdale, as well as defecating in the police car on the way to jail.
Police said an unidentified man complained that London had sneezed on him, so he asked London to apologize. Instead of apologizing for showering the stranger with nasal mucus, London channeled his inner-O’Bannion and dropped a few knuckles into the dude’s orbital bone.
London was quickly escorted out of the bar by a group of bouncers but he didn’t go quietly. London started throwing hands at the bouncers, leading the security guards to “defend themselves.” A 140-lb pound thespian versus a gang of Affliction-wearing steakheads? Come on. Rihanna had a better chance against Chris Brown.
Because of the swelling and bruising around his right eye from the tussle, London was seen by paramedics but “became belligerent and started cursing” at them. When did Jason London turn into Paulie from the Rocky movies?
While seated in the back of the patrol car on the way to jail, one of the officers saw London “lean to the left and defecate in his pants.” This act of defiance left me scratching my head. I can understand cutting a few putrid gassers into the officer’s seat cushion to show your disdain for authority, but evacuating your colon into your Dungarees? You’re only hurting yourself, pal.
Next time, mix in some Imodium, so when your wife and kids come to bail you out of jail, you won’t have peanut-riddled logs falling out of your pant legs while you make the walk of shame back to the family station wagon. I’m sure that ride home was a highly unpleasant experience. He probably spent the whole time swearing off whiskey and shots and vowing to only drink beer from now on. Or at least that’s what I would’ve done.
One of the arresting-officers wrote in the police report that “London showed obvious signs and symptoms of extreme alcohol impairment.” Oh really, doctor? What gave you that impression? Was it the cheap gin on his breath or the anal abortion he had in the backseat of your car?
If Jason is feeling down on himself, he should recall the immortal words of Randall Pink Floyd’s middle-aged buddy – and Megan’s List honoree – David Wooderson, played by Mathew McConaughey. “Man, it’s the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. You gotta do what Randall “Pink” Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.”
Image via The Unicorner