Random Thoughts on the Day Before College Football Starts

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Dick Perry just strutted by my office on his cell phone with his usual slickback and a shit-eating grin as wide as my doorway. That can only mean one thing: it’s football season.

It’s also tailgating season, the best time of the year.

I really hope the short skirts with cowboy boots look is still a thing.

I feel like a total dickwad for this, but I’m more pissed that Hurricane Isaac has postponed the Thursday night Aggie game than I am concerned about the threat it poses to our friends in the gulf. But seriously, stay safe down there.

Week 1 is usually a bittersweet week. It means football is back, but the games are usually shit. I see two or three intriguing matchups on paper though, starting with Michigan-Alabama.

That Bama D is too green to cover the spread against Denard and the Wolverines. If it was game five, sure. Game one, doubt it. They win by a touch.

It’s gonna be hot as dog shit this Saturday in Austin.

Every college football fan in the country will watch South Carolina and Vandy, and they will all overreact after the game. Happens every year after the first Thursday night games of the season.

USC might cruise to the title game with their anemic schedule (not buying Oregon yet), but Kiffin doesn’t have cajones big enough to win it all. I still don’t know how this guy keeps getting these coaching gigs.

Sunshine Barkley kicks off his Heisman campaign against the Rainbows of Hawaii and their intramural defense. It’s going to get ugly. Get ready for USC and Barkley’s mug to dominate ESPN.

Oregon has the hottest cheerleaders, year-in and year-out.

I’d let someone rip off my pinky nail to see Navy beat Notre Dame in Ireland, in front of real fucking Irish people.

Dick Perry just pulled out a mound of coke in my office. Not kidding. Okay, it’s just a video prop (flour), but it’s nice to have Dick back.

The two most exciting players, at least before the first kickoff, are Clemson’s Sammy Watkins and Oregon’s DeAnthony Thomas. Total gamebreakers.

It’s the beginning of the second year of the Longhorn Network, and there’s still dead air for 95+ percent of the state of Texas. More out-of-staters can view it than Texas residents, actually. So far it’s been a colossal failure. The first two, and possibly a third, games of the season will be televised on the LHN. Very few people will be able to view it. For shame.

I want to see my man Will Muschamp get it together in Gainesville. He can’t do it without a QB, though.

Two big SEC stars, Da’Rick Rodgers and the Honey Badger, ruined their D1 careers with drugs. Idiots. I bet it stings extra bad for them over the next few days.

It really takes the shine off the beginning of the season when little is expected of your favorite team. After two years of feeling this, I can confidently say I’m back to feeling legitimate excitement. I expect vast improvement on offense. The running game has a chance to be special.

I can’t wait to get behind that smoker. Pulled pork sammiches this weekend, and yes, Texans can smoke pork shoulders.

Texas A&M breaks in a new QB, new coach, new offense and new defense against Florida in their first game. Going to be very interesting.

Clemson will beat Auburn by double digits.

I’m going to have trouble sleeping tonight.

Good luck to your teams and happy tailgating.

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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    • 1
      BigBamaRob

      RTR but I respect Dorn the man knows his shit. I agreed with 99% of what he said except the part about people overreacting to week 1 games even if they will get better as the season goes along South Carolina can’t lose to have any hopes of a NC. Michigan cant lose to have any hopes of a NC(not that they would ever win a NC).

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  1. 0
    OXinherbox

    Bama will cover the spread easy. Michigan doesnt have any defense and with a seasoned Alabama o-line ready to block for Eddy Lacy and newcomer TJ yeldon the tide will roll with ease.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    williamfratner916

    How do you not buy Oregon yet? We’ve been in three straight BCS bowl games, our defense is going to be returning 8 starters I believe, and the replacements for Darron Thomas and LaMichael James are better than they are. We’re more than capable of beating USC and going back to the championship.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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