Ranking Your 25 Childhood Crushes

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Nice Move

My good buddy Drunk Mike summed up the Kelly Kapowski versus Topanga Lawrence debate more eloquently than I ever could.

Well put, my friend. Well put. Let’s get to the rankings.

Note #1: The following is limited to 90’s TV only, save for one extraordinary exception.

Note #2: By ruling of the TFM Competition Committee, the cast of Baywatch is precluded from this week’s installment. Sorry, Hoff.


25. Ellen Josephine Hickle (Alison Fanelli, Pete and Pete)

24. Carol Seaver (Tracey Gold, Growing Pains)

23. Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber, Full House)

22. DJ Tanner (Candace Cameron, Full House)

21. The Pink Ranger (Amy Jo Johnson, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers)

20. Alex Mack (Larisa Oleynik, The Secret Life of Alex Mack)

19. Kristen (Rachel Blanchard, Are You Afraid of the Dark?)

18. Amanda Bynes (Amanda Bynes, The Amanda Show)

17. Linda Weir (Linda Cardellini, Freaks and Geeks)

16. Clarissa Darling (Melissa Joan Hart, Clarissa Explains it All)

15. Ren Stevens (Christy Romano, Even Stevens)

14. Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate, Married…With Children)

13. Dina Alexander (Heidi Lucas, Salute Your Shorts)

12. Sariffa Chung (Brenda Song, 100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd)

11. Sabrina Spellman (Melissa Joan Hart, Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

10. Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth, Beverly Hills, 90210)

9. Melody Hanson (Christine Taylor, Hey Dude)

8. Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar, The Wonder Years)

7. Lisa the Tool Time Girl (Pam Anderson, Home Improvement)

6. Wendy Peffercorn (Marley Shelton, The Sandlot)

5. Joey Potter (Katie Holmes, Dawson’s Creek)

4. Valerie Malone (Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Beverly Hills, 90210)

3. Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Amber Thiessen, Saved By The Bell)

2. Topanga Lawrence (Danielle Fishel, Boy Meets World)

1. Patty Mayonnaise (Cartoon, Doug)



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  1. 1
    Bronald Raegan

    Brenda Song… she’s number 1 for me. I have a fever and the only cure is more Asians. Also, she was fucking hot as hell in The Social Network, even if she was crazy as hell, I’d still pee in that butt 3 times.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago

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