Columns

REAL FRAT MOVES

Awwww fuck y’all, looks like some bitches up at Texas A&M decided to throw down. (as Bluto) “INTERNET FIGHT!!!!!” This article, posted on the Texas A&M Department of Greek Life Tumblr (I prefer my Tumblrs to have cat memes personally) decided to repost this blog written over the summer by a gentleman (seriously, this bro is a FUCKING. GENTLEMAN.) from South Carolina. Here’s the excerpt from the blog explaining the entire premise of the article.

It is called a Real Fraternity/Sorority Move or RFM/RSM.

The concept here is easy. Instead of promoting actions and statements like those at the beginning of this post (ed. note: regular TFM/TSM posts), post to Facebook (end posts with RFM/RSM), tweet (use the hashtag #RFM/#RSM), blog (link back to this post or share your own stories), etc. What might some of these posts look like?

“Living scholarship today by studying for my test rather than going to the bars. #RFM”

“Spending five hours today with my sisters building a house with Habitat. #RSM”

“Teaching our new members our values so they can lead our chapter with purpose. RFM”

“Knowing that my actions represent not only me, but other sorority women and the community. RSM”

While it might not seem like anything huge, someone will probably ask you what it means and you can explain.

Specifically you can explain that you’re a humorless, blood belching vagina.

“Oh hey Carl, I noticed something called an ‘RFM’ that you posted on Twitter today, what was that about?”

“Well I just thought that pointing out my fraternity’s community service, and my own commitment to the community was important, if people think that makes me sound like a pussy or whatever, who cares, right?”

“It DOES!” (*Punches Carl, runs home and fucks Carl’s girlfriend, The End*)

Honestly some of those example RFMs/RSMs sound every bit as superior as “Did cocaine on my yacht while reading Decision Points and getting a blow j buffet from three strippers. TFM,” but, you know, without being interesting in any way whatsoever.

That’s what we thought at first anyway. But we decided to embrace this RFM/RSM movement and write out some of our own. We think we did a better job. Judge for yourselves, and feel free to add more in the comments.

 

Started a contest for how many held doors for women. I’m at 12 today. RFM.

Choosing to go to the library instead of going out even though it’s completely unnecessary. RFM.

I did 52 shots last night…because I was vaccinating the homeless. RFM.

Texted a girl late last night. She borrowed my Biology book, and I needed it back to study. RFM.

Found a baby deer with a broken leg. Put a splint on it and nursed it back to health before releasing it into the wild. RFM.

Volunteering as a wet nurse for orphaned infants, because I was lactating anyway. RSM.

Getting totally fucking jacked from holding so many doors open for women. RFM.

Was hit by a bus helping an old woman cross this street. This is how I was meant to die. RFM.

Crying softly into my pillow every night before I go to bed because I know how blessed my life is. RFM.

Told my girlfriend the only “long term commitment” I’m looking for with her is one involving getting married, growing old together, and dying. Then I proposed. RFM.

Not drinking underage because it’s illegal, just like murder. RFM.

Adopting a highway, an orphan, a puppy, a kitten, and a well deserved sense of smugness all in the same day. RFM.

The only thing I’ve ever “slammed” is a Pog. Otherwise I call it making love, because I’m a Goddamn gentleman. RFM.

When I’m done Jesus Christ will look like a serial rapist by comparison. RFM.

Missionary Position. RFM.

I’m waiting until marriage. And even then, I don’t know… RSM.

I always win “Never Have I Ever.” RSM.

Giving out hugs like they’re, well, hugs. I LOVE to hug. RFM.

Being prescribed adderall but not taking it, because effort>ADHD. RFM.

Never losing that warm smile or breaking eye contact during sex. RFM.

Helping the sick AND the environment by composting afterbirth for the local hospital. RFM.

After the third proper date, it is acceptable to kiss a man…IF he brought flowers. RSM.

Where I come from fellatio is a big fellati-NO. RSM.

On the third Tuesday of the month, we like to spice things up by turning the lights on. RSM.

“Liking” emo Facebook statuses to help boost people’s self esteem. 😉 RFM.

Spooning, hard. RFM.

Only thinking about my girlfriend when I jack off. RFM.

Please don’t hold back. Let us know about your REAL Fraternity and Sorority Moves.

Email this to a friend

264 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More