Reggae Singer Turned Military Strategist Shaggy Has A Foolproof Plan To Defeat ISIS

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Everyone knows that reggae singer Shaggy claims that, despite video evidence, it wasn’t him. However, many don’t know that he also claims to know how to defeat ISIS.

The singer and Marine veteran has a remarkably interesting and rather unique strategy that I don’t think any of our military’s top minds have thought of yet.

From Military Times:

“If you’re able to cut a man’s head off, you’re sick. But the right music evokes emotion. So if they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off.”

When you’re listening to reggae, he says, you only want to do two things: get high and have sex.

“High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst ISIS. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”

Sure, he’s a singer best known for his love of weed and insistence on not cheating on his girlfriend, but he also spent time in the Marines -— where he admits his biggest problem was being absent without leave — but he’s got a point. Not a very good or tactically sound point, but a point nonetheless.

We just need to get ISIS, a group of the most fucked up people in the world, to smoke weed and listen to Shaggy’s hits. Once they do that, they’ll throw down their arms, stop beheading people, and end their general fuckery that’s been plaguing the international community since they decided to start being the biggest bunch of assholes the world has seen in recent years. Unfortunately, I’m not feeling very confident in this plan.

While I’m sure Shaggy is the Dwight D. Eisenhower of the reggae community, there are a lot of gaping holes in his strategy. I don’t see how we could get the extremists who make up ISIS to smoke weed and listen to reggae music. It just doesn’t really seem like the kind of thing they’re into. I guess if using our significantly superior technology, training, equipment, and firepower doesn’t work, we can always fall back on the Shaggy Strategy.

[via Military Times]

Image via Youtube

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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