Russia’s Top Diplomat Just Called Americans Pussies. Seriously. Literally.

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It must be nice to work for a dictatorship. I mean, that is right up until a horde of angry peasants breaks down the gates to your palatial estate and drowns your whole family in the garden fountain. Not exactly an easy thing to explain to your weeping children as it’s happening, I’d guess. You just have to be honest.

“Oh, what? You thought all your ponies were free? This is what they cost.”

But until then, man, it’s got to be a total cake walk compared to what politicians in decent, respectable democracies deal with. You can say what you want, do what you want — whatever. You think a Russian politician would go down in flames for saying he grabs women by the pussy whenever he feels like it? They could probably get an official Russian government badge that reads “Pussy Inspector” made for them. And not as a joke. As a real position. With pay. Russian government officials might very well actually send their goons out to grab, by the pussy, the women they want to have for the night.

“Eez zis not how guvernmient o-feesh-oal gets vuhjinna? Sind poleez to diance akatomy to grib ballerina by vuhjin and brink back to huh-tel suh-weet?”

While American women are (rightly) disturbed by Trump’s statement, in Russia I’m not sure that would even get a weathered, be-headscarfed lady to look up from her bowl of cabbage soup.

“He eez guvernmient o-feesh-oal, no? Theez eez powverful me-an. A puzzy grab eez small pre-ice to pey for peez uv me-ind.”

Regardless of how much, uh, creative freedom the officials and diplomats of a dictatorship have, it’s still somewhat jarring to hear them release all their fucks into the wind and outright say one of their rival nations is full of pussies. But that’s exactly what Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov (literally Russia’s top diplomat) did while speaking with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour. When asked about Trump’s comments on the leaked Access Hollywood tape, and the U.S. election in general, Lavrov responded by saying the following:

There are so many pussies around the presidential campaign on both sides that I prefer not to comment on this.

No really, here’s the video:

You’d think that maybe this was a casual aside from Lavrov, said from his personal perspective and not as any sort of official statement… except then the Russian Embassy’s official Twitter account tweeted the quote.

What’s somehow worse is that even Russians don’t take this as a good sign.

Valery Solovei, a professor at the Moscow State Institute of International Relations, the country’s top university for future diplomats, said the comments represented a dramatic departure.

“Lowering the language from the diplomatic to vulgar schoolyard level is a signal that Putin is ready to escalate political confrontation and burning his bridges,”

I look forward to our world war.

Even I can’t argue that all the whining and pearl clutching from both the left and the right this election — He’s Hitler! No she’s Hitler! THIS IS THE END OF THE REPUBLIC AS WE KNOW IT THE FLAMES AND THE DARKNESS WILL CONSUME US ALL — doesn’t make Americans seem all that stable or resilient. Still, at the end of the day, the ultimate pussy is the troll, and trolling is essentially what Russia has been doing for the past three or four years at least. And we shouldn’t feed the trolls, they have plenty of cabbage soup.

[via Bloomberg]

Image via Shutterstock


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