In news from Rio that should surprise nobody, Ryan Lochte and several other swimmers from Team USA were robbed at gunpoint after leaving a party last night.
From Team USA:
According to four members of the U.S. Olympic Swimming Team (Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger, Jimmy Feigen and Ryan Lochte), they left France House early Sunday morning in a taxi headed for the Olympic Village. Their taxi was stopped by individuals posing as armed police officers who demanded the athletes’ money and other personal belongings. All four athletes are safe and cooperating with authorities.
I guess what’s really surprising about this news is that it took this long to happen. Rio is widely recognized as one of the most dangerous places on Earth, with a murder rate of 25.2 per 100,000 and an administrative corruption index of 90.4 (that’s out of 100). In this case, “cooperating with the authorities” probably just means more crooked cops will know Team USA’s location from now on. Like an All Mugger’s Bulletin.
Twitter has already stepped in with analysis and advice for Lochte:
Is it possible that in Portuguese, the phrases 'stick 'em up' and 'for the love of God, fix your hair' sound remarkably similar? #Lochte
— Josh Mankiewicz (@JoshMankiewicz) August 14, 2016
Ryan Lochte's past week
• Shut out of individual medal
• Robbed at gunpoint
• Hair turned blue
Blame it on Rio.
— Dan Diamond (@ddiamond) August 14, 2016
not that Lochte deserved to get robbed but if you had to guess which swimmer got robbed he’d be your first guess, right
— Bic Danko (@DankRizzo) August 14, 2016
Harsh. It’s possible it’s the hair, Lochte.
Maybe the best advice for Team USA and other athletes is to shack up with the basketball team on their luxury cruise ship safely offshore. You guys could probably swim over there, after dealing with the green, eye-stinging fart water earlier this week. You’ll be fine. Just watch out for all the hepatitis and corpses on the way there.
Gotta love Rio. Stay safe out there, America..
[via Team USA]
Image via Instagram/@ryanlochte