School Newspaper Gives Advice To Students On How To Have More Sex, Here Comes The Shit Storm

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Nice Move

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College is among the most fertile of environments for promiscuous sex. It sometimes takes real effort not to have sexual relations, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Apparently, at the University Western Ontario, kids are having trouble with this concept. As a result, the school paper decided to take the problem into its own hands and publish a column to help students get laid. Think of it more as a guide for the youngsters to “increase their kill count.” It’s decidedly creepy and egregious, but you’ll quickly see that’s intentional. It was written satirically. People aren’t happy.

From the Western Gazette:

Lower your standards

Every slut-shamer knows that standards and kill count are inversely proportional. The simplest and easiest way to increase one’s kill count is to abandon all standards. It’s easy! Whenever someone hits on you — be it varsity athlete, 35-year-old townie, horse or zucchini — simply say yes.

Cast that net out wide. Numbers game.

Become Gay

The process is simple. Step one – grow a penis. About half of you have already accomplished this task. Step two – seek out other penises.

Nice. Not at all offensive.

Lie

It is very clear that the only way that you will be able to increase your kill count is by constructing the most elaborate scheme that you possibly can. In fact, the more lies, the better.

It works for the weather person and politicians, and can work for you too!

“Hey babe, I was All-State in 17 sports in high school and my family goes yachting in the Mediterranean for a month every summer. Wanna fuck?” This is when you hand her a towel. She’ll need it.

The piece is clearly a joke (one tip even suggests drinking Mr. Clean), but many people still took offense, obviously. Take a look at some of the comments:

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Caitlin sounds like a real Debbie Downer.

[via Western Gazette]

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