Science Says Circumcision Does Not Reduce Sensitivity So Suck It Foreigners

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I’m cut. Everyone I know is cut (except for my one pledge brother, Johnny, from Britain). And all of us – from both sides of the pond – were constantly wondering if Johnny’s unclipped banger offered him another benefit with women aside from his delightful accent. Namely, did his dick feel better when it was played with?

It’s a question I had always thought was a sort of funny, light-hearted, drunk-talk thing until. But one day, I saw protestors on campus holding up signs that said, “Circumcision Is Mutilation!” in bloody letters and thought, holy shit, people are actually really passionate about this — maybe it does make a big difference.

Obviously, I can’t reattach my foreskin to find out (my mom spent so much time framing it for the mantel). And Johnny was too big of a pussy to let us circumcise him. But luckily, Canadian researchers just wrapped up a study that might tip us in the right direction.

A semi-demented scientist placed sensors on the wangs of men both cut and uncut, then inflicted pleasure, pain and heat on each one, measuring the sensitivities (dudes must have gotten paid damn well to willingly inflict pain down there in the name of science).

The results? Circumcision reduces STD rates and improves hygiene while having no noticeable decrease in penile sensitivity.

From The New York Times:

Circumcision, many contend, reduces the sensitivity of the penis. But a controlled experiment has found no evidence for the belief.

Canadian researchers studied 62 generally healthy men ages 18 to 37, 30 of whom had been circumcised as infants, and 32 who remained uncircumcised. The researchers controlled for age, education, occupation and religious affiliation, and concluded that sexual functioning did not differ between the groups. The study is in the Journal of Urology.

Phew. Now I can rest easy knowing I’m not missing out on sex feeling even better. Probably couldn’t handle any more sensitivity to be honest. The sex would be over before it began.

[via The New York Times]

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