Scottish Library Offers Pole Dancing Lessons

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I don’t go to the library often, unless it’s finals week and I need to meet with a group to avoid failing my final exam. Why people like studying in a place where you can’t drink and blast music, I’ll never know. The library is generally where fun goes to die, even if you do like reading. The rest of the world seems to feel the same way, so one Scottish library decided to try something new on their “Love Your Library” Day, which sounds like the worst holiday ever other than Arbor Day.

They decided to offer pole dancing lessons.

Now, I really don’t want to think about a bunch of Scottish women pole dancing. Scotland isn’t exactly Sweden when it comes to hot women from the North, and any place that thinks “haggis” is a thing that sounds appetizing probably isn’t too picky when it comes to how they like their women.

What I want to know is how the fuck we didn’t come up with this first? This is America, dammit! We’re first in the world for entrepreneurship, and if this doesn’t scream “business opportunity,” I don’t know what does.

Imagine: it’s finals week. (Or any other busy week. Fuck, if the library had strippers I’d be there on nights I didn’t have homework). You’ve spent a few hours on an Addy binge, trying to study for your exam the next morning. You’re losing the edge you had at the start of the night, and could really use a few drinks and some tits.

Well, you’re in luck, because right in the self-help section of your local campus library is a bar with pole dancing. You strut over to the bar, knock back a few drinks, hit the VIP Lounge (just convert a few study rooms, no one uses them anyway) and you’re golden. Re-energized and back on the study grind in no time. You’ll have to bring singles to the library, but whatever. If you’re cheap, make it rain books or something.

Now, the university would need bouncers for this, but it would give campus PD something constructive to do other than issuing public intoxication citations and trying, in vain, to earn themselves respect. They might even be able to skim some cover off the top for those trying to get in with a fake ID. They could have a dance floor, DJs, drink specials, etc. The whole bar deal, set it up right there in the library. Personally, I see no better way to get students there. Back when my parents went to Maryland, there were a few bars on campus. I see no reason why we shouldn’t take a few cues from the decade that gave us Ronald Reagan and bring that back, but in the library, and with pole dancers.

Fuck all the legal issues with this; it’s still an amazing idea. Now, I imagine at first some groups will be opposed to this (feminists, liberals, Baptists, etc.), but come on! Live a little.

[via Daily News]

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