SEAL Team 6 Member Claims Osama bin Laden Was Unarmed, Already Dead When They Found Him

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From the Huffington Post via the book “No Easy Day”:

“We were less than five steps from getting to the top when I heard suppressed shots. BOP. BOP,” writes (Mark) Owen. “I couldn’t tell from my position if the rounds hit the target or not. The man disappeared into the dark room.”

Team members took their time entering the room, where they saw the women wailing over Bin Laden, who wore a white sleeveless T-shirt, loose tan pants and a tan tunic, according to the book.

Despite numerous reports that bin Laden had a weapon and resisted when Navy SEALs entered the room, he was unarmed, writes Owen. He had been fatally wounded before they had entered the room.

“Blood and brains spilled out of the side of his skull” and he was still twitching and convulsing, Owen writes. While bin Laden was in his death throes, Owen writes that he and another SEAL “trained our lasers on his chest and fired several rounds. The bullets tore into him, slamming his body into the floor until he was motionless.”

While there’s no way to know whether bin Laden had a subordinate kill him to avoid capture or if he assumed that death at the hands of his American attackers was certain and preferred to control his end, it’s good to know that he was too big of a pussy to face justice. In fact, according to Owen, being a huge pussy is a common theme among terrorists.

“He hadn’t even prepared a defense. He had no intention of fighting. He asked his followers for decades to wear suicide vests or fly planes into buildings, but didn’t even pick up his weapon. In all of my deployments, we routinely saw this phenomenon. The higher up the food chain the targeted individual was, the bigger a pussy he was.”

I thoroughly enjoyed that last sentence.

I will say, though I’m not trying to defend the terrorists here, I imagine it’s pretty hard not to completely puss out when faced with a team of angry Navy SEALs, even if they’re on your side. I bet when SEAL Team 6 saved Captain Richard Phillips from Somali pirates he had a total fear boner. Regardless, finding out that terrorist leaders are pussies is happy, albeit unsurprising, news.

You’ve really got to love terrorists, don’t you? They attack unprovoked, murder civilians, love child porn, and their leaders are cowards. Say what you want about the Nazis, but at least they had balls. Horrifying, inhumane, anti-Semetic balls, but balls nonetheless, dammit!

It actually turns out that had bin Laden not ordered his own death, he would probably still be alive today.

During a meeting with top commanders, a lawyer from either the Pentagon or the White House “made it clear that this wasn’t an assassination,” writes Owen, who recounted the instructions: “I am not going to tell you how to do your job. What we’re saying is if he does not pose a threat, you will detain him.”

As much as I’m thankful that bin Laden is dead, how great would it have been to have had three minutes of a Flip Video recording of Osama bin Laden weeping in the back of Chinook leaked on YouTube? I’d watch just to listen to the SEALs call him things like “Puuussssaaaayyy” and “Homeless Merlin.”

The SEALs also apparently joked about what they considered the comically poor media coverage of the raid in Abbottabad.

“The raid was being reported like a bad action movie,” Owen writes. “At first, it was funny because it was so wrong.”

Goddammit cable news! And here I thought you had actually done a good job with the coverage. Can you get nothing right?

[Ed. Note: More coming from this article]

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 4
    duckdog

    We used to put Vaseline on the “native” Port-O-John’s. You could here them screaming for miles when they would stand up there to squat and fall in.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 2
    PhiAlways

    Secret agent busted through the roof 007 style and killed him seconds before Team 6 gets there. Team 6 takes credit and identity of secret agent never gets out. Boom.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 1
    Terri_Schiavo_Drunk

    Even better Joe Biden comment “Bissonnette writes less flatteringly of meeting Vice President Joe Biden along with Obama at the headquarters of the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment after the raid. He says Biden told ‘lame jokes’ no one understood, reminding him of ‘someone’s drunken uncle at Christmas dinner.’ “

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago