Several Redskins Players Duped By Fake Woman Using Porn Star Avi

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Hail to the Redskins! Hail vic-tor-y! Braves on the warpath! Fight! For all D.C.!

Back in the day, when unknown, surgically enhanced women approached random pro football players, they were usually just prostitutes sent by Lawrence Taylor to tire rivals out before games. Now players just don’t know who to trust.

That excerpt from the article has absolutely nothing to do with anything I want to discuss; I just thought you heathens might enjoy it as much as I did. He wrote about doing this in his book, “L.T.: Over The Edge”, and it is a power move if I’ve ever seen one.

NFL.com reports some Washington Redskins players were contacted by a fan using the pseudonym “Sidney Ackerman”, as well as a photo avatar stolen from porn actress C.J. Miles (as opposed to the NBA player of the same name).

I did a lot of intense investigation on these two women; probably more investigation than necessary, but I did it because I care. Also because porn. And while “Sidney Ackerman” turned up no results, I found plenty of proof that C.J. Miles is a real person. There is a plethora of photo and video (see: “The Trainer” and “Cock-robics”) evidence to confirm this. Further investigation proved that while all parts of Miss Miles are not real, I really don’t care.

NFL.com had this to say:

According to multiple sources, the conversations occurred mostly through Twitter’s direct messaging function. But in some instances, “Ackerman” also sent separate photos of Miles to players’ cellphones, never suggesting the photos were not her own, as conversations endured on and off for months. ”

“If you think about it, a lot of them are single guys, and they see somebody who looks good in a picture or something,” Redskins director of player development Phillip Daniels said.

“In many cases, it involves someone who is a fan of the team, so they’ll start talking about the team. You have to recognize that something just isn’t right.”

That is genius. If I ever bought an ESPN Insider account I would cancel it so fast right now. I wouldn’t need to pay ESPN to tell me if my starting running back in fantasy football is probable or doubtful anymore. I’ll get the news from the actual player. It’s so simple I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself. Make a fake Twitter account with a forgettable porn star as the avi, send nude shots to said player via DM, strike up conversation about how his ankle is feeling. Done. Insider information you thought you could only dream about. In fact, someone check Adam Schefter’s personal computer, I’ll bet he’s got a fake twitter handle for every team in the league.

You don’t think that’s what this guy was doing? I would imagine it went like this:

___

“Ackerman”: Hey baby. I can’t stop thinking about you.

Redskin O-Lineman: We still meeting up at the Marriott in Philly next week?

“Ackerman”: Absolutely! Quick question, how is RG3’s knee doing? Think he’ll play this week? Like 100% and everything?

Redskin O-Lineman: What? Why do you care about Griffin?

“Ackerman”: (sends nude shot of C.J. Miles)

Redskin O-Lineman: The inside of RG3’s knee looks like raw ground beef.

___

It’s bulletproof. If the guy starts to question you, then all you have to do is respond with another nude photo of the video vixen and back into hypnosis he goes. As men, we can’t help ourselves; resisting hot naked sluts is not hardwired into our DNA. You know what happens when the player starts to question your validity? Oh I don’t know, maybe this will work:

While “Ackerman” may have had more dubious intentions… the story says that she didn’t ask players for money or do anything threatening, although she did send a porn clip of Miles to one player.

Game. Set. Match. “Ackerman.” That’s not even fair. Fake sluts are going to be fake sluts I guess.

And before you say a damn word; yeah, I know, Manti who-gives-a-shit Te’o.

[via USA Today]

Image via USA Today

***


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