Look, we’ve known this was coming for a while. If you haven’t even considered the idea that we’re going to be gettin’ it in with sexy Roombas in the future, then you just haven’t been paying attention. According to David Levy, an expert in artificial intelligence (and an international chess champion), we could be looking at a significant portion of humanity being able to interact, have a relationship, and yes, bone, with artificially intelligent robots by the middle of the century.
Sex dolls have existed for a while, but we’re talking about a fully functioning android here. According to Levy, “There will be body warmth, synthesized speech, moving limbs. The first sex robots will be primitive in quality but with time more sophisticated ones will be available,” and will, of course, feature “appropriately designed artificial genitalia.” Sounds like a weird Japanese sci-fi movie to me, which is exactly what I want to hear.
Now, I’m not totally convinced I’m personally going to be on this whole robot bang bus thing. Do I have some sort of proud, sneering attitude toward this being targeted to nerds who can’t get laid any other way? Fuck no. I’m a strange man with strange standards, and if you want to have a full-on relationship with some circuitry connected to a molded vagina, that sounds awesome. No, see I just inherently don’t trust robots. We’ve made enough “Terminator,” “I, Robot,” and “Matrix” movies for the machines to know that we’re expecting them to come after us. So what are they going to do? They’re not going to start a war with us; they’re just going to marry all of us, and then take us in the divorce for everything we’ve got.
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