Shit’s Getting Weird At Mizzou: Dead Cats With Threatening Notes Left On Fraternity Doorsteps Edition

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Nice Move

There’s never really a normal day in Mizzou’s Greek Town, at least not by the standards of outsiders. But when a pair of masked men dressed as black cats leave a dead black cat on a fraternity’s doorstep with a threatening note attached, that qualifies as especially weird.

From The Maneater:

A dead black cat with the message “Fuck Blake” was put on the porch of FarmHouse, according to a Facebook post from Brenden Lowe, community relations char (sic) of Delta Tau Delta, quoting FarmHouse President Nick Schasch.

Later that night, a woman on her way to the FarmHouse fraternity house saw two men in black cat masks standing outside the house, staring at the front porch. The two men began meowing at her. A FarmHouse member came out of the house and the men asked if he liked the cat or not. More members from FarmHouse came outside and attempted to chase the two men down, but the men disappeared in the neighborhood across Providence Road, according to the post.

Hey Blake, I don’t know who you are, but you might want to get the fuck out of town. A dead black cat on your doorstep makes it sound like some sort of wizard mafia put a hit on you. It’d be a real shame if you left for class one day and your fraternity brothers later received a parcel with your jacket wrapped around a dead, half woman, half fish.

It’s a wizard message, it means Blake sleeps with the mermaids…and not in a sex way.”

Do you remember pissing off any Italian men with long beards and robes? You know what? Doesn’t matter, you were probably blacked out. At the very least it sounds like The Alliance of Magicians from Arrested Development has a serious bone to pick with you.

While the gesture is terrifying in its weirdness, and fucked up because someone might have murdered an innocent animal, the rest of this story is hilarious. Two men wearing black cat masks, which I personally am imagining as regular black ski masks with white pipe cleaners and a red button glued to the nose, creepily meowing at a girl passing by is indescribably weird. If only they were wearing cat eyes. I bet they didn’t have a guy for that.

Hopefully authorities find whoever was responsible for this, because the fact that two grown men are going around killing animals that they apparently dress and act like, and leaving threatening notes, absolutely screams “future serial killers.” If you see anything suspicious, don’t be a hero, contact Columbia Police. They have a fancy new armored car that they’re dying to take out for some non-MIP related action. Although, if anyone can sympathize with people who unnecessarily kill house pets, it’s Columbia police officers.

[via The Maneater]

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