Should I Hit On This Girl At The Bar?

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Nice Move

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Target: Girl wearing 21st birthday sign
Should you hit on her: Yes

Most girls at the bar have no ambition. It’s lazy and a major turnoff. Sorry, but I like my women to be a little more goal-oriented. It’s 2016, after all. This little honey, however, is not only motivated to take on the world, but actually has a list of objectives hanging around her neck. That’s the type of self-starting drive I’m looking for. She knows what she wants — so much so that it’s written down. In ink. Real go-getter. Help her achieve those lofty aspirations of getting 21 $1 bills or a pair of boxer briefs and she will reciprocate with a vigorous five-finger shuffle at night’s end. Teamwork makes the dream work.

Target: The only girl dancing in the entire bar
Should you hit on her: Yes

She clearly lacks concern about what others think of her actions or even the slightest hint of self awareness in how ridiculous she looks. Either way you’re golden, Ponyboy. Go with the same Daunte Culpepper “rollin’ on” shimmy you’ve been working since those middle school firehouse dances and she’ll be tugging you off in front of the DJ booth in no time.

Target: Your ex’s little
Should you hit on her: Yes

She already knows everything about you. Common ground. She doesn’t think very highly of you at all. You can only going up from there. Really a no risk, all reward scenario. You’re playing with house money. She denies you? Not your fault. Your jaded ex poisoned her perception of you and it was an insurmountable peak to climb. Kudos for having the balls to approach her in the first place. But in the very off chance you literally charm the pants off of her, you’re an inspiration. Against all odds, you persevered and overcame the impossible. Your ex will just have to tip her cap, give you a pat on the ass, and congratulate you with a “good game, ol’ sport.”

Target: The girl you’re currently “talking to”
Should you hit on her: No

It’s expected. And the fastest way to take yourself out of the picture is to do what’s expected. Got to keep that girl on her toes. Women love the chase.

Target: Your pledge brother’s mom
Should you hit on her: Yes

The easiest target during any parents’ weekend. You don’t have to be a wise cracking, dick slinging smooth operator, either. Just giving this woman the five minutes of attention she so desperately clamors for from her husband on a routine night-to-night basis is enough. Fire your pledge brother a wink as his mom’s laughing and touching your arm after every word that leaves your mouth. This flirtatious cat and mouse game ultimately won’t lead to anything more than some uncomfortable rib jabbing at the husband and son’s expense — unless you’re a diabolic, home-wrecking asshole — but having that trump card in your back pocket that it “could have happened” is more satisfying than any act of penetration could ever be.

Target: Your platonic best female friend
Should you hit on her: Yes

You came to the bar together. You’re drinking together. You’re already talking to one another. Why not throw out a line and see if she bites? Nothing strengthens a friendship quite like the awkward conversation you’ll have after a night of drunkenly violating one another. You get through that and the foundation is rock solid. Plus, you essentially know what both of you like in bed from the countless hookup stories you’ve shared anyway. Why not explore that curiosity and potentially pick up some pointers along the way? It’s not like she’ll hold back. Two birds, my friends.

Target: Any other female that walks through that door
Should you hit on her: Yes

Shooters shoot.

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