Snobby Hipster Environmentalists Ban Water Bottles On Campus, End Up Increasing Pollution

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Nice Move

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Every college has at least a handful of self-righteous, pretentious environmental groups on campus. The kind of kids who stand outside the library sticking flyers about global warming in your face, then go back to their dorm rooms to write five paragraph Facebook statuses about how careless Millennials are ruining the country for our grandchildren. The snobs who will cough loudly in your direction and point to the school’s “Tobacco Free Zone” sign when they see you spark up a heater (Goddammit, I’m on Adderall, and I just cranked out fifteen pages on the Bolshevik Revolution — just let me have this). These kids suck, which is why it warms my heart to see them fail so miserably.

After a student-led charge, the University of Vermont banned bottled water from campus and offered free reusable bottles as an alternative, hoping the initiative would reduce plastic waste. But when the ban went into effect, the exact opposite happened. Robbed of the convenience of a Deer Park from a nearby vending machine, students opted to grab a Coke instead, and did so at a higher rate. This not only increased plastic waste on campus, but it made everyone fatter.

From The College Fix:

In fact, the data found an 8 percent increase in bottles shipped to the campus between Spring of 2012 and Spring of 2013, and a 25 percent increase in bottles of sugary drinks shipped to campus, according to University of Vermont officials.

The push to end water bottles on campuses is everywhere right now. It’s only a matter of time before a bratty hipster smacks you with a picket sign bearing the photo of a dead polar bear after seeing you take a swig from a bottle of Aquafina. When they do, look them in the eyes through their non-prescription glasses, tell them about this study, then remind them of how worthless their lives are.

[via The College Fix]

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