You ever walk through campus early in the week, with final exams approaching, you’re tired and cranky, and all you can think to yourself is, “Ugh, school suc- OH SHIT A DEAD BEAR!!!”
No, you probably haven’t,* unless you happened to be on NC State’s campus today, where they found this furry guy just hanging out all dead and stuff on a random bench.
*West Virginia University is excluded from that statement as I assume they routinely slaughter the bears that wander about their hill campus and consume their meat in dining hall stews.
The 200lb black bear was found on a bench next to Bostian Hall near the Brickyard on NC State’s campus. According to authorities, the bear was killed somewhere else and then purposely placed on the bench. That is pretty disconcerting, because the list of people who would kill a bear and then leave it out in public is short and terrifying. Here is my list of suspects:
1. The world’s strongest serial killer. (You don’t want to be the college kid with nice skin that runs into a serial killer who strangles bears instead of cats. You will not survive that encounter.)
2. Two or more drunk fraternity guys whose bloodlust was no longer slaked by turkeys.
3. Davey Crockett’s ghost.
4. Vengeful hill people come to reclaim their land.
Seriously, what in the hell happened here? Who kills a bear and leaves it on campus? If you have any information, email me.