Somebody Is Pooping In Dorm Dryers At Yale

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As if campus laundry wasn’t a terrible experience to begin with, a mysterious stranger at Yale is making a literal shitstorm of the entire process.

In the past month, four separate students have opened their designated dryer only to find the warm putrid stench of human feces mixed with Bounce dryer sheets. The criminal mastermind behind this disgusting act has been appropriately nicknamed “The Poopetrator.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m never a happy guy on laundry day. Walking down the whitewashed halls and spending every quarter you own in a dorm machine is an overall painful process. All I could do when I heard this story was to imagine my reaction in the same situation.

“My clothes aren’t clean AND they’re all ruined by poop?” It’s basically a worst case scenario across the board. This heinous act definitely brings up some questions.

How exactly are the turds being delivered? How are they so sure it’s a human bowel movement and not just the excretions of a large dog? Who the fuck would do something like this?

I’m no investigative journalist, but I like to think I can jump to some conclusions here. I like to think that the poopetrator in question rolls into the dorm laundry room every day with a rolled up sports section in hand and just relieves himself on the spot.

There might not quite be a CSI-style investigation going on, but the fact that multiple news sources claim it is, in fact, homo sapien poop makes me assume they’ve got it right.

As far as the person behind such a disgusting decision? My guess is a truly dedicated Harvard fan. When you attend a school of geniuses and mediocre sports teams, the rivalry somehow ignites to nearly incomprehensible levels. I once actually witnessed a group of Yale students trick Harvard fans to create a giant banner that read “WE SUCK” right in their own stadium. The long list of pranks performed between these two schools is both terrifying and inspirational at the same time

While this prank is neither as elaborate nor as funny as some of the classics, I wouldn’t put it past the pissed off Crimson faithful. It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are, everyone loves a poop joke every once in a while.

[via ABC News]

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  1. The_PA_Guy

    When a girl at a party is like “I love Total Frat Move, SFPL is like my favorite writer ever.” as you shake your head and think of choking her out as you lead her back to your house to bang. TFM

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 7 months ago
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